Ok, I have to purge… lately, I have been completely and utterly obsessed with this Showtime series show called, “Ray Donavon”.
The lead character Ray, played by Leiv Schreiber, is such a bad boy. He’s a “Hollywood –fixer”- meaning he does whatever it takes to fix any situation. (Doesn’t that sound kinda sexy?) Uh oh, you already know where this is leading, don’t you?
With his attractive good looks, great body and powerful bad boy self, you can’t help but fall hard for his character. I find myself so attracted to him as I sit there watching with my blue eyes fixed and dilated, completely mesmerized for one hour, every Sunday night.
So now you know the truth…I love bad boys. Its been my secret vice since I was 12 years old. It started when my first crush was on the boy that kept getting into trouble in elementary school and had to always stay in on recess in 6th grade. I’d walk past him with my angelic smile and wave with a twinkle in my eye. Later, he became my boyfriend in middle school of course.
Oh and might I add…the “badder” the boys were; the better I liked them. You can only imagine what my father used to say… “Karin, stop finding these *shmendricks and look for a **mentsch”.
(*Yiddish for a jerk, a stupid person)
(**An honorable, decent person, an authentic person, a person who helps you when you need help)
So I decided to really look into why women just love bad boys so damn much. It’s time to finally find out why we all have this disturbing inner fantasy.
Here’s the truth… everybody loves a bad boy. It’s not just me. They have an irresistible charm and charisma that pulls in even the hardest of hearts. Despite their wayward ways, they have an element of the redeemable about them. The temptation of “saving” them lures in good girls far and wide; faster than shit slides off a shovel.
These Don Juans and Robin Hoods are masters at stealing the hearts of the fairer sex. I know I can’t resist them. Never have been able to.
So why are we women so attracted to these bad boys when there are so many nice guys out there to be found? As I delved into this dark subject deeper and did a bit of my own investigating this is what I came up with.
1. The real reason we love bad boys is biology.
Yes, you heard it here first. Women want to be with bad boys for their genes. You read that right—genes not jeans. Subconsciously, women want the strongest, hottest genes to make healthy and strong babies. It’s basic human instinct to go after sexy bad boys as a breeding strategy. What woman doesn’t want her kid to be powered by tough guy genes? We may no longer be cave men and women outwardly, but we’re still about the survival of the fittest. Did anyone study Darwinism??
2. Bad boys are tough guys and tough guys take charge.
Secretly, every woman wants a powerful man to take charge. Even if they say they don’t… they really do. To spend an evening (or more) with a man in charge (does the name Christian Grey strike a chord?) It means we can take a break from our normal roles. It’s like a mini-vacation.
3. We get a thrill out of the “tame game.”
Tame a crazy puppy—check. Tame a feral kitten—check. But tame a bad boy? Wow, that’s a game not many can win. But, it’s sure fun to play, especially if we have our own commitment issues because bad boys don’t usually settle down.
4. The chase is exciting.
We ladies love to chase the bad boy (even if we say we don’t) because catching him is a perpetually unobtainable goal. It’s an exhilarating ride that gives us a taste of mystery and thrilling adventure.
5. Danger is sexy.
Surviving danger is even sexier. Know what else is sexy? Being unavailable. A bad boy is always unavailable in the beginning and has an intriguing concoction of safe danger which women find very alluring and attractive. We view this boy as being incredibly magnetic. In our eyes, danger is powerful and powerful equals sexy and well, sexy equals…(you get the drift).
While some bad boys may never commit, we are always secretly rooting for them to find true love. Take Ryan Gosling for example in “Crazy, Stupid, Love”. He was the ultimate “bad boy” until he met his “game changer” Emma Stone. Or how about John Travolta in “Grease”? He was that cool crooner who wound up wearing a letter jacket in the end when he ultimately realizes he couldn’t live without Sandy.
Psychologically, it’s a random interval reward system. Just like a slot machine, bad boys keep one addicted by the random rewards (money/sex/courting) that promise a big pay off someday.
Anthropologically speaking, women tend to be attracted to the big hunters who provided a lot to the village. While some argue that bad boys historically helped expand the gene pool by spreading their seed a bit wider than their village, (I tried to be diplomatic) today bad boys are dangerous because they can spread diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and broken hearts.
Women tend to place a lot more value on emotional components than men do and easily fall “in love” with bad boys.
It is important to know what your true needs are.
If you’re looking for just fun…bad boys are the way to go. However, if you’re looking for something more concrete and steady, it’s wise to seek those qualities out in a man.
The answer to the question of “what kind of men do women seek” ultimately comes down to what point a woman is at in her life. While bad boys are all the rage in a gal’s teens to twenties (and if you’re a serious bad-boy lover maybe even into a girl’s thirties) they are sometimes nothing more then just a bad boy.
Just like leg warmers in the 80’s and big hair in the 90’s… a phase will run its course, and while a bad boy can “ooooo” and “awww” you to no end, bad boys bring about a lot of bad baggage and can end up confusing you (and your life goals) and may ultimately require the boot.
So if you want to try on a bad boy for a while, go right ahead. Buckle up and enjoy the ride-
Just don’t purchase an all day pass.
Until Next week,