I am not professing to be an expert in the field of life, (hardly) but I will assure you there are some things I’m quite certain on. One of these things is my belief in the fact that everyone has some sort of secret life or secret something that they keep hidden.
I’m not suggesting that every person is a tormented and tortured soul hiding his or her most shocking thoughts. I’m casually just expressing that every single person has a secret.
We all do. Plain and simple.
Definition of secret: Kept hidden from others and known to only a few people.
Hmmm-this sounds vaguely familiar.
Maybe it’s a secret desire or wish, or a secret friendship or lover, secret agenda, flirtation-ship, secret motive, secret vice, secret ritual or sexual deviancy. The list goes on and on.
I could continue but you get the drift.
But we all have secrets and those that proudly profess in their oh-so-innocent-‘polly purebred way’ that they don’t— well it’s simply just untrue.
I’ll go one step even further. The secret might not be something “bad” persay. But nonetheless, it could also be something that could hurt others if they found out.
So what’s the difference between secrecy and privacy you might ask?
Well, my take is that privacy is more about limiting unwanted access by others. Privacy means, something kept from the view of strangers or those that we aren’t close with. It’s about being less vulnerable and more in control. These are the main aims of privacy, and they are justifiable.
Privacy aims to protect one’s identity, personhood, plans, and/or property by defining boundaries that others should observe or respect. A sign on a neighbor’s fence says, “Private Property – No Trespassing.” A door in an airport is marked, “Authorized Personnel Only.” These acts separate what is public from what is private.
Ok, got it.
Secrecy, on the other hand, helps to guard against unwanted access by others- against their coming too near, learning too much, getting too close. Some people’s secrets have too much power over them and can motivate them to misbehave.
(Very badly I might add)
Here’s the other thing-all personal secrets have the component of sin, shame or guilt associated with them. Whether or not they are, is in the eye of the secret keeper. But from the standpoint of popular morality they are usually a tad bit on the immoral side of the spectrum—
C’mon you know it.
Here’s my take on secrets. We decide on a daily basis what we are willing to reveal and to whom we are going to reveal it to. Deciding what secrets you will keep from someone is directly dependent on the level of intimacy you want with him or her. The more secret information someone knows about us, the greater the connection and deeper the trust. Trusting someone makes us vulnerable and vulnerability can make us weak if it is misplaced. I mean look at Samson– he trusted Delilah and we know where that got him!
Another reason we keep secrets is because we know something we are doing may be wrong—but deep down we don’t want to stop doing it!
There’s something about secrecy that makes something hotter, more intriguing and alluring. It seems like sharing “a secret together” can bring two people even closer. So we hide our secret little “no no’s” from the rest of the world in hopes that no one will ever find out.
The problem is…
What’s done in the dark will make its way to the light… almost always.
When those instances come—all you can really do is pray for a good pair of sunglasses and run for the shade.
So, here’s the lesson of the day. If you’re keeping a secret from your partner, ask yourself ‘why’? If YOU’RE keeping a secret about yourself from others, ask yourself ‘how’s that benefiting you’? They say you’re only as sick as your secret…
Good grief— we’re all not well.
If you’re hiding it you probably shouldn’t be doing it. But we will keep that our little secret!!!
Until Next week,
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The Buddha Team
I didn’t actually think about this until I read this post. I do have a few secrets, one or two very very deep that might hurt me to death if discovered, and the thing is I always ask myself “should I share it?”, “should it stop being a secret? “.
But in the end I guess I’m not strong enough to handle the negative impact of it, so I end up just keeping it secret.
But anyway isnt there a “degree” of secrecy? I mean, you might share it with the closest ones but you don’t need to have it noted in your forehead for everyone to see. Well in that case it becomes just private, I realise you said that.
I see there might me degrees of privacy instead, and secrets are not that good for us.
That’s a nice post!