Why is it that people wake up one day, after years of being together, building a life and a family and memories— and suddenly decide that there is a better life awaiting them out there that doesn’t include their current partner?
A better life that requires starting all over again—
We’re talking about:
-a new beginning
-a start over
Is it really worth it?
In some cases— not so sure.
On the bottom of that list, we have forgotten one tiny detail.
Are you ready?
Um… let us not forget ‘new problems’.
What seems to be forgotten is that everything new turns to old one day and that there is no perfect situation without problems, obstacles, and issues.
But people forget this and move on to their brand new flavor at the ice cream store forgetting that the thrill of the chocolate chip cookie dough will one day seem just like plain vanilla.
Whatever starts out new, always becomes old- one day.
Even a new car loses its brand new smell after time.
I’m not suggesting that there is not a definite percentage of people that have REAL and very legitimate reasons for leaving; i.e. alcoholism, infidelity, verbal/physical abuse, emotional neglect, depression, illness, work and/or money troubles.
I’m talking about the ones that maximize on smaller reasons in order to substantiate an exit strategy.
We live in a day and age where it is possible to start over with a click of a button. But in the final analysis, is starting over always the best plan? Aren’t we just trading or for lack of better terms “swapping” one problem with one person for new problems with another?
Experts say that the majority of the time we trade 80% of what we have to find the 20% of what we don’t.
I’m no mathematician but that sounds a lot like a 60% deficit at the end of the fantasy rainbow to me.
I want to lay out some staggering facts to validate my point.
“The decision to divorce is always going to be difficult, and for many, there can be a good reason to end a marriage. Yet, 51 percent of all divorcees have regrets about their break-up, a study revealed. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 percent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realizing they miss or still love their ex-partner. For some, the regrets have been so severe that 42 percent have had moments where they considered giving their relationship another go, with a large percentage actually making the effort to try again and 21 percent of those are still together now”.
So is it true?
Is the grass really greener on the other side? The juice worth the squeeze?? The steak better than the sizzle?
Umm—does that include the fertilizer, the manure, the tractor, and the sloppy farmer???
Ok, the grass IS sometimes greener—
But that is only, and I emphasize only when the grass you had prior was so sh*tty that it basically was diseased and dead and infested with parasites without ANY RECOVERY possible.
I talk all the time about how we live in a time and era where relationship longevity is not the norm. Where sticking it out means only until we feel like it or something better, younger, hotter, wealthier comes along.
I often write about how familiarity breeds contempt.
Well, guess what? Boredom breeds what I like to nowadays call……….. curiosity.
Think: playing ball in someone else’s yard.
Unfortunately, curiosity often kills the cat, or at the very minimum allows others to see its claws.
I’m betting we all know that certain “alley cat type” that fits this description?
Getting over the hump of a stagnant or stale relationship, in a normal fashion, seems to be a thing of the past.
For better or for worse???
The new marriage/relationship vows should be:
For better or worse until something better comes along?
For better or worse until we are bored?
For better or worse until we get sick?
For better or worse until it becomes too much work?
For better or worse until we have a mid-life crisis?
For better or worse until we find better chemistry?
For better or worse until we’ve JUST HAD ENOUGH…
For better or for worse actually means everything, in short, of something that is destructive or harmful or unsafe to one or both partners.
Love doesn’t mean, “easy, breezy, beautiful, cover girl”.
It’s the ability to weather death issues, money issues, family issues, work issues, friendship issues, children issues, sex issues, mid-life crisis issues, all issues.
THAT IS WHAT FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE MEANS—-
So next time you wonder what life without your partner means, I challenge you to remember this:
If you have a partner that loves you, values you, respects you—- and you’re thinking of leaving…
The grass is not always greener it’s just newer. And perhaps if you take the time to water your own backyard and not someone else’s —it would be just as green.
Until Next week,