Are you just looking for a replacement relationship?
I mean, what is that and how would you really know.
A replacement relationship is one that is not intended for the long haul and is merely established for the sake of convenience or timing.
Things to ask yourself:
*Do you find yourself searching madly for a new relationship the minute your last one ends?
*Are you that person that can’t be alone for five minutes after a break-up or divorce?
*Does your heart race at the thought of walking into a party, a restaurant, or any venue alone?
*Do you start to text all the “options” you had prior to your last relationship to see what they are up to now?
Or better — no, WORSE yet, are you the replacement for somebody else?
Some people, although hopeful for more, are really only looking for a transient relationship as opposed to a lifetime/permanent partner. You know, short-term, temporary, fleeting- after the romantic stage is over and reality has set in.
Think of gym shoes — replacing them, after they’re broken in, for a brand new pair devoid of any scuff marks and eager for a jog around the park.
In reality, most people really thrive when they are feeling and receiving love and giving it back. They say love is often the muse for most artists’ best work — but then, again, so is pain and suffering.
The reality is, when we have loved and lost, we most likely want to fill the empty void as soon as we can — because it hurts.
Like really badly.
And we want the hurt to go away — NOW!
And to make that hurt stop, sometimes we fill that void a little too quickly.
Kind of like eating useless carbs, the “replacement” relationship wastes too many calories and burns off too fast, and when it does, you’re once again left bloated and hungry and desperately looking for your next meal.
Think Sunday night Chinese food.
Recently, a good friend brought up a very interesting perspective on the issue. She asked me, “When you’re single and it doesn’t work out, isn’t every next relationship replacing the last?”
Yes. True, true, true. BUT it’s the need for speed in finding the replacement.
What is the rush?
Sometimes people are in such a hurry to fill the hole left by their last relationship, they settle for anyone as a placeholder —
I like to refer to this as a “temporary layover” rather than a “preferred destination”. We all know at least one of these people, the “serial non-settlers.”
Noooo! And what a monumental waste of time and energy for everyone involved.
So when moving on to your next relationship, take a breath. Go out with your friends, go out by yourself. Get back to being you. Clarify your wants and needs and put yourself in a position to be relationship-ready, not relationship-replacing.
And always remember…if you treat your next relationship like a job vacancy, you may be holding up a “Help Wanted” sign sooner than you think.
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