The one secret to building a better relationship

The one secret to building a better relationship

Oftentimes I’ve been told I talk and/or text my mother, sisters and a few best friends — a lot.

Okay, it’s true.

I talk or text each of them daily.

Maybe even hourly.

Okay, fine. Nonstop throughout the day, kinda like a CNN live newsfeed.

Oh, well. It’s true.

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Does that make me a bad person? The answer is unequivocally…

NO.

I have this theory that I would rather complain, vent, and torture those that are not my romantic partners than subject those that I am intimate with to my daily nonsense.

My theory goes even further.

Ready?

While having a lover, partner, or spouse is great — it does not mean that this person is your eternal complaint-dumping post that needs to listen to every excruciating word, story or quarrel all day…

Every day.

Forever.

I think that most relationships wind up in trouble when we vent non-stop (a/k/a complain, whine, kvetch) to our partners about anything and everything under the sun, ad nauseam, with no let-up.

The truth is that we should save that stuff for the people that we are NOT having sex with.

Don’t ya think?

After all, complaining is not an aphrodisiac, people.

In fact, it does quite the opposite. It depletes the relationship of constructive affirmative, positive vibes, encouraging thoughts, and everything else in between.

It acts as a giant withdrawal from your “bank of love” (that sounded a lot dirtier than intended) and, if uninterrupted or unstopped, could eventually lead to what I refer to as….

Relationship bankruptcy.

Yes, you heard me correctly.

Relationship bankruptcy — the mothership of relationship downfalls.

See: demise, ruin, fail, end.

I was taught that we need to put in enough good into a relationship (think of it as a monetary bank deposit) to outweigh the bad (think of withdrawals and big ticket splurges).

Now, I am no mathematician here — believe me, I don’t think there’s a person on the planet that knows me that would swear by my math skills. I like to think of myself as more of a “math magician,” meaning I can magically change a number like Houdini.

I mean, if we are being honest and all, numbers for me are meant to be rounded up or rounded down.

For example…

When asked how much I spent, I round down.

When asked my age or weight, I round down.

When asked my height— you guessed it — it’s rounded up.

You get the drift.

Anyway, more often than not, we get into this rut of pointing out to our partners the negative things that happen to us daily.

I believe in scattering my negativity around — like fairy dust; a little to my sisters, a bit to my best friends, and the rest to my mother, because, Lord knows, she can’t throw me away. And besides, she has to love me unconditionally, right?

To be totally honest, relationships flourish when keeping just a shred of mystery about yourself from your partner.

Again, I am not suggesting keeping secrets. I’m just explaining that not everything needs to come up like a verbal norovirus.
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If you’re always complaining, your partner may begin avoidance tactics, and that’s when the demise of the relationship begins.

And NOBODY wants that.

That old saying, “familiarity breeds contempt,” isn’t a joke. It’s trying to tell you that while it may feel comfortable to just let all your stuff hang out with your special someone, my suggestion is that you don’t.

Keep your friends close and your confidants closer because those are the best people you can turn to for all those lengthy, detail-specific, epic experiences that your significant other tunes out after about five minutes into your, “Omg, the salesgirl was so rude today,” opening line.

If you must verbally bleed, hold your family hostage — not your main squeeze. They are lifetimers in your story prison.

Until Next Week…

Love,
Karin

3 Responses

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