Why do we want things so badly that we just can’t have? Why do we want to do things we are not supposed to? Why, oh, why? What is so darn appealing about the forbidden?
Ahhh, the forbidden. Even the word itself is kinda sexy, right? Say it ten times in a row and, you’ll see, even your voice gets low and sultry. It sounds so alluring and hot and fascinating and – wrong, just plain wrong…so wrong, that it becomes “right” in our minds. We start to justify why we should have it. Once it’s off limits, boy, oh, boy, you better believe we want it…more than ever. All of a sudden we want it, we need it, we have to have it, we can’t live without it. It becomes our new obsession…you get the point.
It all goes back to that damn Eve and the Garden of Eden and the *farkakte apple. (*Yiddish for “lousy” and “all messed up”). She wasn’t supposed to eat it, and guess what happened to her? Well, we all know that story. Not such a good outcome for dear Eve, yet we still all want the forbidden. We didn’t learn our lesson…not even from our biblical girl.
I’ll tell you why…because anything forbidden makes you want it more. The more off limits it is, the more you crave it, yearn for it and desire it. Ugh, the complexity of the human mind. Its all about fulfilling or denying the temptation.
For example, when a person goes on a diet, all of a sudden they are hungrier than they have EVER been or they start craving foods that they don’t even want. It’s insane!
How about when you see a sign that says “Don’t touch”? Need I say more? We all touch it – c’mon, you know it’s true – unless you’re just a major germaphobe.
It actually takes every ounce of power to hold back my index finger from touching whatever it is, let alone stopping my own kids from doing it. It’s like we want to defy…we are begging to defy because we simply don’t want to obey. Period.
Let’s take married men as an example. When single women see an attractive man, they are more interested in him if they believe he is already in a relationship.
In fact, one study found 90 percent of single women were interested in a man whom they believed was taken, while only a mere 59 percent wanted him when told he was single. Yep, the forbidden fruit effect.
The bottom line is that forbidden things seem thrilling in comparison to the monotony that some feel they have in their lives. Besides, everyone wants what he or she can’t have…trust me on this one. Many people think the grass is greener on the other side, when, in reality, it’s just fertilized with a bunch of bullcrap.
There’s something in our human nature that desires what it can’t have, and there’s something in all of us that likes the chase of a challenge and the thrill of conquering.
How many times have you walked past something – clothing, shoes, a car, a person, etc. – and not even given it a second thought? All of a sudden, when someone else is buying it or it’s no longer available, you want it. You want it bad…bad enough to find any way to get it. You’re mouth is salivating, heart is racing and you’re ready to chase. This is where our carnal instincts kick in.
While men are the natural hunters, most people in general have a competitive streak. Anything forbidden steers your determination into overdrive to achieve it…fact.
There was a “Sex in the City” episode where a party was held, and as an entry to this party, each guest brought someone they were no longer interested in so that others could meet them and mingle.
Charlotte meets a darling man and she becomes interested in him. The moment his ex saw that Charlotte wanted him was the moment she wanted him back. They were later seen having “ex-sex” in a guest room. We want what we can’t have, and sometimes we don’t want what we can have.
Maybe in order to stay interested in our partners, we must think of how we would feel if we couldn’t have them anymore. If that doesn’t work, maybe it’s time to take them to a singles mingle!
Something significant happens when we feel a gap between what we know and what we want to know. As a result, we often feel the need to take action, to do whatever it takes to bridge that gap. Curiosity hatches like a baby dinosaur, and all of a sudden it turns into a full-blown tyrannosaurus. (I had to use Wikipedia for the spelling, trust me)
It is important to have a moral compass.
The one little tiny thing people don’t realize when going after the forbidden is a little something I like to call “consequences.” Oh, and that other thing that’s watching when we think no one is…I like to refer to this as “Karma.” And let me tell you something about Karma…she sees it all, even when we are blind. She’s got 20/20 vision, a pair of reading glasses and a notepad, and that lady is watching your every move! She sees you, she hears you and she’s with you at all times…even when your conscience says, “screw it.” She’s an equal opportunist and a firm believer in justice. She can be your best friend or your worst enemy and quite frankly, she’s not the biggest fan of the forbidden.
The truth is, rarely does the forbidden turn out to be that great. Constantly yearning for someone or something “off limits” is usually an endless cycle of agony, with no fulfillment, no payoff, and definitely no grand romantic ending.
Just ask Eve…
Until next week,
Love,
Karin
