Soulmates - What If?

Last month I was sitting at a table with a group of people listening to a keynote speaker highlight all of the advances in modern day medicine (YAWN) and it’s technological progression when all of a sudden boredom overtook me.  When I say “overtook me” I mean it actually took hold of me and all I heard was… wonka wonka wonka. I have serious concerns that I may have the attention span of a ten year old.  Actually, I take that back, because my ten year old is way more focused than I am. Typically, my attention span lasts all but fifteen minutes before I grab my phone and begin reading my emails, texts and of course the news (bad habit…I know). Please don’t get me wrong; I would never be blatantly disrespectful and being rude was definitely not my intention.  So I slipped it under my napkin and proceeded to read about George Clooney getting engaged. WOW…that’s all I can say.  WOW!!!!! I don’t even know where to begin with my thoughts.

 

I had several emotions run through me simultaneously. Not in any particular order, let’s start with my number one thought—Good for you George!!!  Congrats… on showing you’re a real man who was smart enough to realize you had found the woman of your dreams.  Props on realizing that this educated and beautiful woman that you had been dating for all of six months was definitely your “game changer”. Thank you for showing us women that you weren’t just indiscriminately dating one woman after another for sport (which is what we all thought btw) and that in reality you were just in search of that “special” one and had not found her yet. I commend you… with all of your wealth, celebrity status and lavish lifestyle for realizing that you fell in love and actually believe in a committed one-on-one relationship where there is mutual respect, monogamy and exclusivity.  Thank you for growing up and realizing that your womanizing days were taking away from your respectability.  Kudos to you… for knowing you were reaching that “special” age where being a bachelor was neither sexy nor respectable anymore and actually diminishing a bit of your pristine presence. (Sorry but it’s true) Way to go… on publicly declaring your commitment to love, honor and cherish the person with whom you have chosen to share your life, no matter what the years may bring.  Well done… on the realization that once you pass the half-century mark, most have logged enough years and experiences to know what it means to face deteriorating health and that having a partner to face these challenges makes life easier to get through.

 

For a while, I have to admit, that I thought George’s girlfriends were all on lease plans without an option to buy that expired every two years.  I love new things…but with partners’… ughhh…no way. I prefer a worn in pair of slippers to continually breaking in a new pair of shoes (metaphorically speaking).

 

While I always liked Clooney as an actor, as a woman I must admit, I didn’t think he could “MAN UP”.  However, he proved me wrong, and therefore I respect him more. I predict that he will become even more successful and respected as an actor, as well as a man.

 

George was smart enough to know that marriage for a man is even better than it is for a woman.  (Yes indeed- you heard me right) I’ll say it one more time just incase you didn’t hear me the first time. “Marriage is even better for a man than a woman.” Statistics have proven that getting married improves a man’s life by making it last longer (unless it’s your wife that actually kills you and that’s another topic for another day). Various studies have indicated that happily married men tend to outlast their single counterparts. For example, a 2006 study performed by University of California researchers contended that single men are five times more likely to die of an infectious disease (I don’t think that includes chlamydia, herpes or warts) nearly 40% are more likely to die of heart disease (uh oh) and twice as likely to die accidentally. Other studies suggest that the rate of mortality is a whopping 250% higher among single men than it is among married men…SHEEEESH to all you single men out there not wanting marriage or commitment.

 

Yikes! Run to the cardiologist ASAP!

 

If a man is smart, he will choose to be with a woman who is insightful, opinionated, supportive and honest. That’s the kind of companion he needs. She can bring out the best in him. She can challenge him to be the best version of himself. On top of that, through marriage, he’ll learn the true meaning of self-sacrifice and compromise. In short, marriage will make a good man even better. Marriage also increases a man’s earning power, prevents him from dying alone, and makes him more attractive and happier.

 

George’s surprise engagement made me realize that when a man truly loves you, no matter what…. he will want to marry you.  He will want to commit to you and he will do everything it takes to keep you. So when I hear my girlfriends tell me their sad stories of long relationships that never went the distance because of this, that or whatever… I know that the bottom line is that whatever “love” that was experienced within that relationship wasn’t a “game changer”. Men are hunters and women are gatherers. (I will talk about this at length another time) If a man wants to be with you…he will.  If he wants to marry you…he will and you’ll know it.  If a woman has to push the subject…it’s not the right relationship. Period. Most men like to chase.  I see women chasing men all the time and I have to roll my eyes. Ladies…let him chase you, court you, and ultimately commit to you. That’s what hunters do! Have some dignity and allow him to do it!! If he does not, then at that point, a decision to stay or go has to be made. Women, too often, take the hunting role away from the man. When this occurs you better believe the relationship is over. Again I will say it, if he wants you…he will come after you.

 

So this brings me up to what I’ll refer to as destiny.  I’m a huge believer in soulmates and fate.  Much to the dismay of my therapist…I believe soulmates do indeed exist. Each week I sit in his office and we go over the same subject over and over and over.  I feel like I’m a gerbil on a wheel.  We mull over the same things and I never budge. Never. Good thing I’m not a Scientologist. He does not believe in my soulmate theory. He says (I’m using his words) “believing in soulmates is much like believing in the tooth fairy or Santa Clause or in my case Elijah”.  I tell him that I set up a place setting for Elijah every Passover.  He grins and smugly asks me if he’s come yet. (This is where he thinks he’s made his point and I will finally see the light) I look up and reply…he’s on his way…(checkmate doc!!)

 

Taking away my soulmate theory would be very disturbing to me.  I believe in this concept whole-heartedly and I believe each person is capable of meeting their soulmate when it’s the right time in their life and that each person has at least one soulmate out there.

 

 

It is important to believe in something that gives you hope.

 

Hope seems to be an energy source for people. With hope we can walk across deserts, survive years under deplorable conditions in war camps, survive cancer, etc. Could there be a possible link between hope and energy? I really believe so. I know this sounds strange but give me the benefit of the doubt and read on (I am not proposing some metaphysical entity – or at least I don’t think I am). We all know hope is a powerful force – As the daughter of a holocaust survivor, I NEVER give up hope because my father never did and if he had…he may never have survived and I may not ever have been born.

I know this sounds crazy, but reading about George Clooney getting engaged actually gave me more hope and cemented my soulmate theory as ridiculous as it sounds.  Somewhere deep inside me it hit a core that touched on the belief that out there in this world…everyone’s soulmate exists… It’s just a matter of finding him or her and recognizing the connection.

Until next week…

Love,

Karin