No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

“A SAMple of love” can mean a lot of things to different people. 

It can attempt to teach how leading a life with a full heart leads to self-love or it can aspire to show that love can be felt in everything we do. 

Even the crappy things. 

It might even mean making some very uncomfortable decisions in the name of protecting those we love.   

In my opinion, one of life’s biggest challenges is being ‘a sample of love’ when we must deal with really challenging people that seem to be themed throughout our lives; even through different relationships. 

These love themes come creeping up, time and time again, until the life lesson being taught is finally learned. 

Can anyone say… therapy?  

For example…

Over in the right corner weighing 110 pounds you have sappy girl cloaked in, ‘lots of feelings’, she complains that each friend she makes, eventually blows her off. 

Possible life lesson: learn independence

As they say on Passover… 

Dayenu.

In corner #2 we have ‘non committal man’ weighing in at 180 pounds who seeks love but finds that each woman doesn’t last. 

Possible life lesson: heal things with mamma 

Dayenu.

Throughout my life, I too, have had one general theme.  Over and over this theme repeats like Phil (Bill Murray) the weatherman experienced in the movie, “Groundhog Day”. 

I’ve always been blessed with many things to be grateful for. So even during any harder times I’ve experienced in my life, the good has always outweighed the bad and the love that I have in my heart, has lent way to wanting to share my connections, help people and genuinely recommend anything in my life to others.

But….

This tendency to want to “do good” has backfired on me since early childhood.

You’d think I would learn my life lesson by now, right?

Um… wrong. 

Way wrong.  

I’ve always thought that the answer to this life lesson- meant to learn, was to keep being kind and giving– even when others dare to make you feel like doing otherwise. 

I’m certain this theme started probably way earlier than even I can remember, but the one memory I do have dates back to high school.  

It was my freshman year, fall of 1984. I was dating such a cute guy from a local other- school. His name was, Mike and he was my first real boyfriend.

On “bring a special friend to school day”, I brought him. 

I introduced him that day to a girlfriend of mine who was a beautiful sophomore.  For shits and giggles, let’s name her, Beth. 

Can we safely say, “the power of naivety here”? And btw, the real “Beth” probably has ZERO recollection of this incident so we’re not shaming anyone nor would we ever.

I encouraged the friendship (mistake number one- what was I thinking?), which led to her going behind my back and trying to date him. 

Which she did, for like a millisecond. 

Ok, typical teenage behavior. I get it… 

But looking back, definitely a foreshadowing of what my future would have in store, because this same exact scenario would play out more times throughout my life, in a variety of different ways. 

On a side note… There really is no replacing an original portrait with a poorly sketched imitation. 

My first job at 24, I worked at a weight loss center with a very close friend of mine. We were both newly married, starting out our lives with a lovely future ahead of us when I ran into a girl who I had known from around– She began telling me how she had just lost her mother and was looking for a job. (Remember, I have all this empathy in my heart)

My heart nearly broke for her, and without even flinching; I began networking for her immediately and got her a position within the company I worked for. 

Within the first week of her employment, she went to the head of my department and tried to get me fired in order to get MY JOB. 

She was fired within 5 days. 

Even well into my 40’s, this same scenario has played out with multiple friends and acquaintances’ of mine, going after men behind my back ie: my ex-husband, ex-boyfriends (sometimes for friendship sometimes for much more) that I’ve been deeply involved with.  

I could go and on, about how my introductions, recommendations, connections throughout my life have led people to feel that what I have is something or somehow something they want or feel entitled to have simply because of who they are.   

And that somehow they have the right to put their own needs and wants ahead of anyone else’s, for their own benefit, self satisfaction and selfish privelage. 

And yet… 

I keep wanting to help, wanting to connect and wanting to share.

My father used to tell me that, “No good deed goes unpunished”.

He was right. 

But the real question is how do we continue to give with a loving heart, when so many out there are ready to take advantage and jade our perspectives?

The short answer is this… Rely on past experiences and trust your gut.  

Jealousy, envy and deceit are part of our daily lives and the only way to avoid it entirely is to move to Amish Country where people aren’t allowed to want what you have.  (Or at least not show it openly)

However, if you plan on staying here, which I’m assuming you do, the ability to roll through these bad experiences must be learned and that’s where resilience comes into play…”the ability to feel the hurt, learn from it, bounce back from it and become smarter for the next time while still trusting your wits and wherewithal to make better choices on who you want to do “good for”

To continue doing ‘good’ for others is the life lesson, after all.

Being a little more careful with whom you help or connect should be the exercise practiced daily. 

And remember just because it ain’t bolted down doesn’t mean it’s free.

Until Next Week,

Love,

Karin

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