Whether it’s Louis Vuitton, Tumi, or regular ol’ Samsonite, we all come with baggage.
Yes, I do mean everyone.
That means you — so stop shaking your head in doubt.
Sorry. Hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but all kidding aside, whether you bring big bags, small bags, or just a fanny pack (designer ones count too) the truth is, none of us are exempt from the baggage we carry.
Heck, you may even be the one that comes with a full matching set.
And the older we get, the more bags we seem to collect and carry.
You know, life’s experiences, mistakes, lessons, disappointments, past relationships, traumas, quirks, difficult exes, family drama, flawed traits, strange habits, commitment issues, health problems, etc. We end up carrying it all in one way or another even though our baggage may only show itself on “special” occasions.
When finding the right relationship, it’s important to find someone whose baggage, for lack of better terms, “travels well” with yours.
That being said, there are “deal sealers” and “deal breakers” when referring to our baggage.
Like it’s said, what’s tolerable for one might be crazy-making for the next.
Behind Curtain Number 1, meet Joe. Joe, 40, only wants to date women without children — of any age. NO kids at all.
Have you passed judgment on Joe yet?
By his “terms” of dating, some may refer to Joe as a jerk or selfish. However, Joe may not really be a bad person. He’s not a kid anymore, and chances are he’s dated his fair share of ladies, and possibly many have been women with kids. Imagine Joe getting too attached, and then when the relationship doesn’t work out, he misses the kids and in the end gets hurt. For Joe, dating a mother is emotionally too difficult and over time has become his “deal breaker.”
And he could also be a jerk and hate kids.
Now let me direct your attention to Curtain Number 2 where we find Peter. Peter, also 40, thinks women with children are a definite “deal sealer.” He loves kids and has three of his own. The women he chooses to date must understand his commitment to his children and how they are his priority. Peter also understands some things don’t work out; therefore, he is open to “trying people on,” being open-minded and going with the flow.
Seems simple, right?
Think about it. It goes back to the theory that “water find its own level” or “like attracts like” — you know, all those inspiring quotes that are really just saying the exact same thing but in a million different ways.
So the secret that I am sharing today, if you haven’t already figured it out, is that we all wear a sticker that says “SOLD AS IS.”
Being with this person means accepting them with all issues; both known and unknown.
It also comes with an automatic disclaimer and warranty covering faults too.
Simply … BUYER BEWARE.
Get ready, because the ultimate meaning is that if you choose to lease the car OR even buy the car — let me be clear — all hopes of changing the engine can be left at the dealership.
I mean, yes, we can all make some minor changes. We can buy new floor mats, paint the car, or even freshen up the car to smell like brand-new. But the engine is the heart of the car.
So the reality is … the car comes as is, guys.
If you fall in love with it, then don’t complain later about not having heated seats or it takes bumps like a Ram pickup.
Think about it. People really don’t change at the core, especially when they’ve gone over 35,000 miles. They can adapt, but deep down they are going to be who they were when you met them, the person they want to be and who they are comfortable being.
The real question is…
Can you accept who they are no matter what?
Life isn’t perfect, nor are people. But there are those whose imperfections work well with our own.
You know, those whose crazy gets along with ours and whose baggage has a little extra room for our own belongings.
And in the end, if you find that you’ve purchased a lemon —Find some salt, a shot of tequila, and simply call it a day.
Karin has a BA in Sociology, with a minor in Psychology from Michigan State University along with a coaching degree with a focus on love and relationships. She has enjoyed writing in many different genres’s such as a published children’s book author,”There’s A Fly In My Soup” and “One to Ten and Over Again”, a past columnist for The Detroit Jewish News, a blogger for both Eydis Magazine and Ask Dr. Nandi, and a former corporate speech writer with over 2000 clients. She has appeared as a guest relationship expert on countless radio shows and TV programs, including, Fox News Detroit and The Big Show starring Michael Patrick Shiels. She has coached and inspired hundreds of client’s in-person, over the phone, via email and text.