A common relationship topic that I am hearing more frequently is that people — YES, both men and women—are feeling like their partner has stopped listening.
And in many cases, they have.
Unfortunately, I’ve personally witnessed many couples divorcing with the primary reason being,“My partner tunes me out.”
Yup, that’s right. They just stopped listening to the needs and wants of their partner, or maybe they verbally heard the words, but they just stopped making it a priority to acknowledge and/or act on them.
Either way, they were: tuned out, brushed aside, ignored, rejected (the evil list goes on and on).
Listening is such an important skill and most of the time what is being said has more significance than we realize.
Some men tell me how much their wives continuously nag them when in reality, I think the nagging is a result of not being heard.
These days, “until death do us part” seems as outdated as an 8 track, and getting over the hump now refers to getting past Wednesday — not overcoming a relationship obstacle. More and more couples are in ruts, doing what I like to refer to as the ‘special dance.’
Yes, you know that dance.
It’s the one that only the two of you know. You know the steps — 5, 6, 7, 8…tune out, avoid, martyr comment, eye roll, and tune out again. While every relationship dynamic is different, continual deafening of a partner’s needs often lends its way to cheating and ultimately the big “D”- divorce.
I think it’s smart to do regular check-ins with one another.
Kind of like a temp check.
Are both of you satisfied? Do you need a date night to reconnect? Is there a need to spice things up or change things up?
All relationships have their moments of giving and taking, and we all have the opportunity to ‘stay’ or ‘stray.’ While we can’t control what other people do, we can control what WE do. We can make a greater effort behind closed doors, under our tent with our own circus.
So today’s advice… make the effort to actively hear what is being said. Never stop dating, flirting or being intimate with your partner…no matter the length of time you have been together.
And when all else fails…
Bring out the trapeze.
Until next time,