Is The Grass Really Greener?

No, The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

Why is it that people wake up one day, after years of being together, building a life, family, memories — to suddenly decide that there is a better life waiting for them out there?

A life without their “current partner.” 

A “better life” awaiting that requires starting all over again …

We’re talking about:

– a revamp

– a do-over

– a redo  

– a reboot

– a revise

New sex, new chemistry, new conversation, new stories, new excitement …

Is it really worth it?

In most cases, I’m not so sure.

And that’s because there’s something else that’s new — and that would be called … “new problems.”

You know what I mean, right? 

Those little, tiny nuances that mean nothing to you when the sex is hot and the relationship is brand-spanking-new …

But all of a sudden, these problems come into play once things get settled and complacency sets in.

Most people forget that everything new turns to old one day and that there is no perfect situation without some problems, obstacles and issues. 

This key piece of info definitely seems to get looked over when we’re transitioning into that “brand-new flavor of ice cream”— forgetting that the thrill of chocolate chip hazelnut crunch will one day, too, taste about as exciting as plain ol’ vanilla. 

The truth is that whatever starts out new always becomes gently worn, even in the best of relationships. 

It doesn’t mean old has to be boring or lifeless. It just means newness wears off — period. 

Even a new car loses its brand-new smell after time.

Fact.

I’m not suggesting that there are not a lot of people who have very real and legitimate reasons for leaving — alcoholism, infidelity, verbal/physical abuse, emotional neglect, depression, illness, work and/or financial/legal troubles … 

I’m talking about the ones who maximize the smaller reasons to walk away and minimize the larger benefits to stay, all in order to substantiate an exit strategy.

We live in a day and age where it is possible to start over with a click of a button.   

But in the final analysis, is starting over always the best plan?

I mean c’mon, aren’t we just trading — or for lack of a better term, “swapping” — one problem with one person for new problems with another?

Experts say that the majority of the time, we trade 80 percent of what we have to find the 20 percent of what we don’t. 

I’m no mathematician but that sounds to me a lot like a 60 percent deficit at the end of the fantasy rainbow.

I want to lay out some staggering facts from a UK study (link to this:http://winteryknight.com/2014/08/20/new-study-50-percent-of-divorced-people-wish-they-had-never-ended-their-marriage/) that help validate my point. 

“The decision to divorce is always going to be difficult, and for many there can be good reason to end a marriage. Yet, 51 percent of all divorcees have regrets about their break-up. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 percent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realizing they miss or still love their ex-partner. For some, the regrets have been so severe that 42 percent have had moments where they considered giving their relationship another go, with a large percentage actually making the effort to try again and 21 percent of those still together now.”

So, is it true? Is the grass really greener on the other side? 

You know, juice worth the squeeze?

In my opinion … the grass is greener — SOMETIMES.

But that is only, and I emphasize only,when the grass you had previously was so bad that it was basically diseased and dead, without any possibility of responding to any kind of lawncare expertise.

I constantly talk about how we live in a time and era where relationship longevity is the exception, not the rule.

Where sticking it out together means only until we get bored.

I often write about how familiarity breeds contempt. 

YEP.

Well, guess what? Boredom breeds what I like to call … curiosity, and the minute someone becomes curious is the minute the shift occurs. 

Getting over the hump of a stagnant or stale relationship in a normal fashion seems to be a thing of the past.

For better or for worse — “What’s that?” 

The new marriage/relationship vows should be:

For better or worse until something better comes along.

For better or worse until we are bored.

For better or worse until we get sick.

For better or worse until it becomes too much work.

For better or worse until we have a mid-life crisis.

For better or worse until we find better chemistry.

For better or worse until one of us gets too old.

For better or for worse actually means nothing these days.

Love isn’t easy and relationships take work. I’ve been on both sides of the fence and I am so much happier today than ever before.  

But it took me quite the journey to find the perfect relationship fit for myself. 

So the next time you wonder what life without your partner means, remember this:

If you have a partner who loves you, values you, respects you — and you’re thinking of leaving —

Think again. 

The grass is not always greener, it’s just newer. And perhaps if you take the time to water and weed your own backyard …

… it would be just as lush. 

Love,

Karin