How is it that people wake up one day — after years of being together, building a life, sometimes a family, certainly many memories — and suddenly decide that there is a better life awaiting them out there and that does not include their significant other?
A better life that requires starting all over again—
New connection, new sex, new outlook, new memories, new chemistry, new life, new — everything.
Is it really worth it?
In some cases, I’m not so sure.
Whatever starts out new always becomes old — one day.
Even a car loses its brand-new smell after enough time.
I’m not suggesting that there is not a definite strong percentage of people that have REAL and very legitimate reasons for leaving; i.e., alcoholism, drug addiction, infidelity, verbal/physical abuse, emotional neglect, depression, illness, work and/or money troubles.
I’m talking about the ones that maximize on weaker reasons in order to substantiate an exit strategy that, with enough hard work and effort, probably could have been worked out in retrospect.
Yes, we live in a day and age where it is possible to start over, reasonable to leave the relationship, find other partners, et cetera.
But in the final analysis…is it always the best plan?
Aren’t we just trading or, for lack of a better term, “swapping” one problem with one person for new problems with another?
Okay, I know, I know—I sound very judgmental.
“I’m just so sick of seeing people throw away a whole life with someone only to chase a dream that might not even exist”.
I’m so sorry. I swear, I’m not trying to purposely offend.
So going forward, I want to shed light on some staggering facts that validate my point.
“The decision to divorce is always going to be difficult, and for many there can be good reason to end a marriage. Yet, 50 percent of all divorcees have regrets about their break-up, a study revealed. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 percent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realizing they miss or still love their ex-partner.
“For some, the regrets have been so severe that 42 percent have had moments where they considered giving their relationship another go, with a large percentage actually making the effort to try again, and 21 percent of those still together now.”
New study: 50 percent of divorced people wish they had never ended their marriage
So is it true? Is the grass really greener on the other side?
Once in a while, it is. But that is only — and I emphasize only — when the grass you had prior was so bad that it basically was diseased without ANY RECOVERY possible.
I always talk about how we live in a time and era where relationship longevity is not the norm.
Where sticking it out means only until we get bored.
I often write about how familiarity breeds contempt.
Well, guess what — boredom breeds what I like to call “curiosity.”
And you know what they say…there is no CURE for curiosity.
Getting over the hump of a stagnant or stale relationship, in a normal fashion, seems to be a thing of the past.
For better or for worse??? What’s that?
The new marriage/relationship vows should be:
– For better or worse until something better comes along?
– For better or worse until we are bored?
– For better or worse until we get sick?
– For better or worse until it becomes too much work?
– For better or worse until we have a midlife crisis?
– For better or worse until we find better chemistry?
– For better or worse until we’ve JUST HAD ENOUGH?
For better or for worse actually means everything, short of something that is destructive or harmful or unsafe to one or both partners.
It doesn’t mean the little things that we think are worth throwing away love and commitment.
It’s the ability to weather heartache issues, death issues, money issues, family issues, work issues, friendship issues, children issues, sex issues, midlife crisis issues, indiscretion issues…all issues.
THAT IS WHAT FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE MEANS.
So next time you wonder what life without your partner means, remember this —
If you have a partner that loves you, values you, respects you, and you’re thinking of leaving —
The grass is not always greener. It’s just newer. And perhaps if you take the time to water your own grass…
It would be just as green.
Until Next week,