“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies”
I don’t think there’s anything worse than being betrayed in ANY kind of relationship, whether it’s love, friendship, business or familial.
Like I do mean — nothing worse.
Did I mention nothing worse?
Okay. Just checking.
Betrayal is the selfish, evil enemy of loyalty. She’s the deceitful half-sister that wants to stab you with a knife in the conservatory while Mrs. Peacock watches.
The definition of betrayal—an act of deliberate disloyalty.
The key word here…deliberate.
For those who have been betrayed, you know what I’m talking about.
You know that gut-wrenching moment when you find out someone you love and care about, someone you believe in, someone you trust, does something so disloyal, so disheartening, so dishonest, that you actually feel the wind being knocked out of your lungs.
And with that next breath, the way we feel about him/her is never quite the same — ever again.
Tainted forever, like moldy cheese, only without the penicillin benefit.
It’s so sad because in that very moment of awareness —time just stops and all of a sudden we start spiraling down what I refer to as the “mental staircase of doom.”Everything goes into slow motion as we begin to race backward in our minds, trying to figure out the exact moment of when the betrayal began.
Initially, it is natural to blame ourselves for being so naive, so unaware, so trusting, so everything, and we find ourselves if only briefly, drowning in our very own victim pool.
Anyone have a life raft?
Some stay there for a while. Sadly, others never leave.
However, there are a select few out there that will make the betrayers wish they had never betrayed in the first place.
I like to call these fine folks, “The Green Berets of Betrayal” — you know, think Rambo or The Terminator, but you get the drift, right? These justice seekers use their inner strength to overcome even the grandest of deceptions and fight back with shrewd, tactile precision. They stop at absolutely nothing to defend the honor, pride and respect they feel was robbed from them by someone so dear.
Betrayal is truly the MOST selfish thing we can do to anyone. It is a self-serving character flaw that only temporarily places the betrayer into a position of power (and I do mean only temporarily) over the blindsided betrayed — similar to a boxer with a punch that knocks his opponent to the ground and thinking they have a TKO.
Imagine now the one who’s laid out flat in the ring (the betrayed) with the referee counting over his head —
1, 2, 3…
Can you see it?
And just when everyone thought he was down for the count, imagine him getting up and landing punch after punch, fighting his way to the win.
After all…it ain’t over ‘til — well, until it’s over, right?
In my own experience, those that betray are often left more damaged and unhappy in the long term than the ones that they betray. This is because they lose special relationships that they will never regain or duplicate again.
Unfortunately these days, many lack a moral compass and stop at nothing to get their wants met while turning a blind eye to the hurt and destruction caused by their dishonesty.
So why do betrayers betray, you might ask?
Selfish gain. Wanting something and not caring to whom it affects. Justifying wrong behavior because they feel entitled.
And what’s worse than betraying alone is conspiring with another.
Take it up a notch- betrayers often betray with conspirators, unifying their relationship over secrecy and lies in order to protect themselves. This “betrayal partnership” adds an exciting and sneaky element to their collusion.
Left jab, followed by a right uppercut.
Double whammy. Ouch.
They are now bonded with treasonous glue — that is, until the one person who can’t find out…Does.
We live in a world where everyone is trying to reach the top of the food chain —social status, popularity, money, credibility, power, sex, higher self-esteem — and, unfortunately, there are times when betrayal may feel like the only means by which to get there.
But the real lesson that determines true character, is when we are faced with that moment when loyalty comes to a crossroad.
And I don’t mean being just loyal to ourselves.
I mean loyalty to others. Others that we love and who love us. Others we respect and who respect us. Others we trust and who trust us.
Those that matter besides ourselves.
There is always an honest way of doing even the most uncomfortable of things. Just depends on the integrity level of the person.
In the words of my father, “Be very careful whose toes we step on today because they just may be connected to the tush we need to kiss tomorrow”.
I needed to read this. I was betrayed by someone I believed in and poured love into her for five years. The type of love, friendship, and support I would want in return. The first time her loyalty was tested, she chose to betray me with a conspirator. Months later she asked to come back to me, however, I did not feel she was truly apologetic. I felt she wanted to return for selfish reasons; the same reasons for her betrayal. Also, she was still with her conspirators. Leaving him was contingent on me accepting her back. A year later, she is still with her conspirator and she achieved success with him. I know if she was still with me, together we could have experienced this major milestone in her career and our relationship. I am still very hurt. I feel they are laughing at me. I do not want to invest in anyone the way I invested in her. It is too painful to trust other people to honor, respect, value, and reciprocate.
If you would like to talk further you can message me at [email protected] I am happy to listen and ask a few questions. Thank you for your message.
Amazing Karin! This has been a topic of conversation in my house unfortunately and you summed it up so perfectly! Xoxo
Thank you so much!!!So many people (myself included) can relate!!
[…] Originally posted on https://asampleoflove.com […]
I have been betrayed twice in my life. Each time by persons that there should be no question of their loyalty and love. These betrayals affected me deeply and both caused not only intense hurt but changed my future entirely. I have to say, however, neither one was caused by deliberate selfishness. One was cause by extreme unhappiness and jealousy, and the other was caused by stupidity and desperation. Nonetheless the betrayal will always be with me. Time has not healed the wounds.