We all make mistakes in life.
Every single one of us.
And that’s okay.
Mistakes are experiences that teach us the lessons we need to learn and take with us to the next chapter of our lives.
I believe that every mistake has greatness attached to it — that is, if you look hard enough to find it. (Which most of us don’t do)
Life lessons cannot be learned without experiencing errors.
Because my first marriage ended in divorce, some could view it as a mistake. But the creation of my three wonderful children was the silver lining of that marriage. And though matrimonial bliss didn’t last, it taught me a great deal about my own needs and wants for my future.
And as a consequence …
The relationships that came afterwards were more authentic and compatible, which ultimately lead me to my finding the perfect partner for myself.
Lesson #1: I needed my first marriage to end in order to awaken a friendship within my own self. A friendship that wasn’t rock solid until adversity was really met.
I have divorced women and men reaching out to me daily, who are panicked over their newly single status, and truly terrified of the dating world.
My advice is always the same …
I urge my clients to free themselves of judgement and feed their minds with positive sentiments rather than negative. I teach them how to befriend themselves in a world where covert self-loathing has become the norm.
Here’s the thing …
Once you become true a friend to yourself, trusting your gut and intuition becomes easy. And just because a marriage or relationship didn’t last, that doesn’t mean it failed and it doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
Nonetheless, broken relationships do tend to break self-esteems.
And while it’s true that it takes two for a relationship to end, sometimes the fit just wasn’t right and the combination was toxic.
I hear endless stories of people taking on full blame of an ended relationship and walking around feeling insecure and apprehensive over who they are.
It’s easy to have temporary low self-esteem after a divorce or breakup. It’s common to hear the voice of the person prior, who spewed all these negative things about you, talking in your head. But what’s important is that none of what was said may actually be true.
While it’s always important to evolve and become better for ourselves daily, we should certainly never take to heart someone else’s perspective to define who we really are.
Which brings me to dating …
Meeting someone new is scary when we are out there for the first time. It’s even scarier meeting someone we like because we open ourselves to being hurt, again.
When you meet a new person, be it friend, companion or love, it takes time to get to know them. As we do, we are deciding if they are a good fit for us because we know our needs and wants for our life and future.
We gauge, we listen, and then we determine if they are a benefit or detriment to our life. We take the lessons we’ve learned and we realize that if something doesn’t fit, it just doesn’t.
You can’t fit a size nine foot into a size six shoe. No matter how hard you try.
In fact, once you’ve become your own best friend, your energy changes and you begin choosing partners that fit much more accordingly who exude as much confidence as you.
Remember: Water always finds its own level.
If only your toes are wet, I guess you know where you are. 🙂
Until next time,
Born and raised in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, Karin has a BA in sociology, with a minor in psychology earning honors at Michigan State University. Along with certification in relationship coaching, Karin is an international blogger and past columnist. She is currently accepting clients and advertisers and can be reached @firstname.lastname@example.org.