As a relationship coach and expert, I assist so many people in their journey to finding and sustaining love. I help answer questions and give detailed plans on how to obtain the love and relationships they desire.
My life experience, as well as relationship coaching certification and education, has helped give me the necessary experience I’ve needed to help others.
When I got married at twenty-three I hadn’t had many long-term relationships.
I mean really, who does at twenty-three, right?
I was a young bride and really didn’t know myself, let alone the man that I had married. Thirteen years later the marriage fell apart and I was thrust into a new life that I was not exactly anticipating.
However, with that said… it is in this passage of time that I have had some of the most incredible relationships and learned more about myself than any other time of my life.
And a side note…I don’t regret any one of them.
It was actually through these relationships that I learned the most about myself with regard to my needs and wants; as well as learning about which things bring me the most inner peace and happiness.
I learned through my divorce that the things important to a 35+-year-old woman are very different than to someone in their 20’s.
What I teach and coach to many, I use in my own life and have managed through trial and error to finally find the kind of lasting and healthy love that goes the distance.
Like many other women, when I got divorced years ago, I found myself in new territory. I went from a long-term marriage to being single and in search of Mr. Real not Mr. Right now. I didn’t allow divorce to jade my heart or my desire for a loving and genuine relationship.
FYI… not everyone looks for the real deal. Many people want flings and flirtations etc. And that is perfectly ok. I am just not that person. I have always been a serial monogamist (not killer) and flourish in long-term relationships.
As I tell my readers and clients, it is hugely important to be aware of your wants and needs before you enter into any relationship. It’s also important to know that we don’t always find what we are looking for right out of the gate.
Learning about our own selves is the key to all successful relationships.
The reasons most relationships fail is because people are not holy truthful to themselves in the beginning in knowing what they want. We all go into our next relationship thinking we can change the man or woman with the right kind of love or better yet, that we can compromise what we want down the road.
But we can’t. Nope.
And this kind of thinking is a recipe for disaster. And I don’t mean like a soufflé that doesn’t rise ‘kind of recipe’. I mean hearts broken, egos shattered ‘type of recipe’.
Before we enter into any kind of relationship we must be keenly aware of what our end game objective is.
Thinking we can change anyone is possibly the most amazingly delusional fantasy we can have.
Example #1… Our 42-year-old friend Jim over to the left is a divorced dad with 3 boys and emphatically doesn’t want any more children. He’s now dating a 28 year old- never been married hottie named Lucy who wants at least one child.
BTW, they have hot sex and lots of laughs.
Um… Is it enough to overcome the looming storm down the road?
Nope. It is not.
Somewhere in this storyline, someone is going to get hurt.
And I do mean hurt badly.
I’m in the 5th chapter of a book that I’m writing that notably states that by date #5 you must talk to your partner about what the end game looks like. Even if it’s a bit blurry and fuzzy and no major plans are actually being made, everyone’s time is valuable and some sort of a plan (even unspoken) and agreement is crucial to the relationship growing, or at the minimum, not deteriorating.
Even if it’s a plan of wild sex with no strings attached and both parties agree to it- it’s still a plan.
It is imperative that you be on the same page or at least growing towards the same goals as your partner, with regards to religion, children, and marriage etc.
If you are not, it’s best to walk away no matter how strong the attraction is unless both parties are open and willing to compromise.
On a side note, the attraction has no bearing on the outcome of a relationship.
If it is strong but the end game is not, a break up down the road is inevitable.
Many times, however, there are amazing relationships that come into our lives that might not be forever but are life changers and tide us over until our lifemates come along. These kinds of relationships are not space holders but rather soul mate connections that are meant to teach us and enrich our lives for the better.
Spiritualists say, “It’s all about the journey”. Realists say, “Don’t cloud the journey” and pessimists might say, “Its par for the core as we journey”.
If you are dating a woman or man that doesn’t meet your highest and best good I say it’s time to walk. It doesn’t mean that the person is bad. They don’t have to be villainized. It just means that it wasn’t a good long-term fit.
If you are single and working towards finding a partner that meets all your wants and needs and you know exactly what those are; you will attract a partner at your same water level in no time.
Love is tricky. We can love all sorts of people and still not get what we need and desire.
So the next time you meet someone that is likeminded with an attraction to boot and meets over 75% of your needs and wants….
Do not spoil it and always remember that what you have now was once among the things you only hoped and prayed for.
Until Next time,