Do friends with benefits actually have any real benefits?
I mean seriously, what is the real definition of benefits anyway?
Does that friend come with a health insurance plan? Dental? 401k?
What actual benefit is there to rolling around in the hay with a friend other than to crash and burn when one of you develops feelings for the other? It can truly only work, in that small almost impossible achievement, if both of you choose to stay in the same lane of “no feelings” or better yet, both fall “madly in love”.
My friend “Lisa, is currently going through a divorce. (Obviously, that’s not her real name, but you knew that).
She’s part of the blogger witness protection program.
Anyway- Lisa is terribly wounded and hurt. Anyone that’s gone through a divorce or break up knows the pain and hurt associated with the loss of love.
While out for dinner with a friend, she was introduced to a mutual male friend who had walked in for dinner with some buddies.
Immediately they hit it off and really got one another.
She had phoned me several times since their initial meeting to tell me about their close friendship and confessed she was developing possible feelings for him but knew it was too soon at this point in her life.
Until one day they crossed the friendship barrier into what is commonly known as, “Friends with benefits”.
Now Lisa made it very clear she wasn’t ready for a relationship but her emotions were telling her otherwise. She started falling in love with him.
Many times, especially with women, intimacy lends itself to an emotional connection that’s hard to disconnect from.
So here’s the question… Can friends with benefits ever really work?
In my opinion, the answer is no.
After speaking with Lisa and hearing about her dilemma, I quickly started asking around to gather other people’s opinions on this popular topic.
The feedback was interesting.
Here’s what I found.
Friend’s with benefits doesn’t work. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you promise to make it work, it simply can’t for the following reasons.
1.When you begin a relationship with no boundaries-you usually
“When you start a game with zero rules it’s hard to plug them in
2. You sell yourself short when there is no commitment to see where things go.
“When you’re giving yourself, your body and your time to someone without knowing you’re going to receive something real or tangible back, it devalues both parties significantly.”
3. If the chemistry is that good than it has the power to sway you emotionally.
“Our bodies are scientifically built to release certain chemicals and hormones during physical intimacy that make us feel bonded and connected towards the person we are with. When you are ‘just friends” it’s terribly confusing to have your body scream I want this person and your mind telling you that’s just your pal.”
4. One person ALWAYS gets hurt.
“There’s always one person who falls. No matter what guidelines are set, emotions take over and the original terms of the agreement quickly become null in void. Usually, both parties grow attached, but they do so at different degrees.” Jealousy starts to build up, whether we want it or not because intimacy elicits an emotional response.
In my opinion, anyone looking for this type of relationship is emotionally unavailable, afraid of commitment but on the bright side, probably good in bed.
So if you’re single and need a booty fix, sometimes this type of relationship can be a very temporary solution. After all, there’s something very liberating about having a number you can reach out to at any time that guarantees good sex.
Think fast food drive up.
But before you enter an “FWB” relationship, always know that this casual fling has an expiration date before going sour.
If he/she was really relationship material, chances are you would have already gone there. But because you haven’t, it means there are fundamental differences already built in.
A SAMple of love includes respecting yourself and not settling for anything less than reaching the stars.
Remember, nobody stops at just one potato chip. So be smart, and either buy the bag or don’t bother eating them at all.
Until Next time,
*Currently accepting more clients via Skype, phone, text or in person. I can be reached @firstname.lastname@example.org