What is so darn appealing about the forbidden? Even the word itself is kinda sexy, right?
Say it 10 times in a row and, you’ll see, even your voice gets low and sultry.
It sounds so alluring and hot and fascinating and – wrong, just plain wrong. So wrong, that it becomes “right” in our minds. We start to justify why we should have it.
Once it’s off-limits, you better believe we want it …
And more than ever.
Suddenly we want it, we need it, we have to have it, we can’t live without it. It becomes our new obsession …
You get the point.
It all goes back to that damn Eve and the Garden of Eden and the apple. She wasn’t supposed to eat it, and guess what happened to her?
Well, we all know that story.
I’ll tell you why the forbidden makes you want it more. That’s because the more off-limits something is, the more you crave it, yearn for it and desire it.
Ugh, the complexity of the human mind.
It’s all about fulfilling or denying the temptation. For example, when a person goes on a diet, all of a sudden they are hungrier than they have EVER been or they start craving foods that they don’t even want.
How about when you see a sign that says “Don’t touch”?
Need I say more?
Let’s take married men as an example. Studies find that when single women see an attractive man, they are more interested in him if they believe he is already in a relationship.
In fact, one study found up to 90% of single women were more interested in a man whom they believed was taken or had a wedding band on, while only a mere 59% wanted him after told he was single.
Yep, the forbidden fruit effect.
The bottom line is that forbidden things seem thrilling in comparison to the monotony and complacency that occurs after time in many relationships.
While many may falsely think the grass is greener on the other side, in reality it’s just fertilized with a bunch of bull#$&%.
There’s something in human nature that desires what it can’t have, and there’s something in all of us that likes a challenge and the thrill of conquering.
How many times have you walked past something – a piece of clothing, a pair of shoes, a car, a person – and not even given it a second thought? Yet all of a sudden, when someone else is buying it or it’s no longer available, you want it. You want it bad … bad enough to find any way to get it. Your mouth is salivating, your heart is racing and you’re ready to chase after it.
This is where our carnal instincts kick in.
While men are the natural hunters, both genders have a competitive streak. Anything forbidden just steers that determination into overdrive to achieve it.
In one “Sex and the City” episode, a party was held and to get in, each guest brought someone they were no longer interested in so that others could meet and mingle with them.
Charlotte meets a darling man and becomes interested in him. But the moment his ex sees that Charlotte wants him is the moment she wants him back. They are later seen having “ex-sex” in a guest room.
We want what we can’t have, and sometimes we don’t want what we can have.
Maybe the key to staying interested in our partners is to imagine how it would feel if we let them go and they fell in love with someone amazing.
Many times, we’d want them back even more if we couldn’t have them.
The truth is, very rarely does the forbidden turn out to be that great. Once the chase and the initial elation of the conquer have passed, those who need that adrenaline rush find something else to achieve. For these particular folks, it’s all about the kill.
Constantly yearning for someone or something “off-limits” is usually just an endless cycle of agony, with no fulfillment, no payoff, and definitely no grand romantic ending.
Remember, fantasies never have flaws.
And if you don’t believe me, just ask Eve…
Until next week,
Born and raised in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, Karin has a BA in sociology, with a minor in psychology earning honors at Michigan State University. Along with certification in relationship coaching, Karin is an international blogger and past columnist. She is currently accepting clients and advertisers and can be reached @firstname.lastname@example.org.