I have decided that dating life is a lot like one of my favorite TV shows, “Antiques Roadshow,” where people bring in objects that they have had for years, don’t really want them anymore, and don’t know their value until they are later informed of their enormous worth.
I’ve witnessed this for years and years in regard to partners breaking up and/or divorcing. People get out of relationships, they are tattered and worn down, their self-esteem is especially low, confidence is non-existent, and they feel washed up with a sense of worth valued at zero.
Until somebody worthwhile comes along who sees the true internal value of that person.
So my question to you is…
When we finally find that special person, when does he/she go from being ‘a great find’ to totally and utterly ‘disposable’?
Good question, huh?
I keep hearing in the back of my head that famous quote, “Familiarity breeds contempt.”
Maybe for many, this is true. For example, when I hear a new song, I play it like 5,000 times in a row until my children actually unite in banning me from playing it one more time.
You know why?
Because they know that after the 5,000th time of listening to that song, I’ll wind up hating it and never play it again.
Well, maybe it’s the same with people in relationships. Maybe after dealing with something for so long, one day you wake up and its ‘kaboom.’
Done. Finito. Over.
Perhaps the reason for this is because the things we like in the beginning of a marriage, relationship, partnership, et cetera, wind up making us feel like we’re going to turn mysteriously into serial killers if they continue.
Anyone watch “Dexter”?
The thing is, it seems like that very moment when we feel we have had enough of our partner — this generation sorta just bails on one another, i.e., jumps ship, divorces, breaks up, separates, parts ways, splits, halts, leaps on to the next. (Ugh, that’s the worst.)
Buh and bye — don’t let the door hit ya.
My stomach still aches when I hear these things.
It just feels like “sticking with it,” “making it work” and “for better or worse” gets thrown out the window like old shoes lately.
I just don’t understand it.
The truth is that I don’t have all the answers and I most certainly don’t claim to. But I do know enough about life to know this:
Are you ready?
I’m not going to candy coat it or dip it in caramel to sweeten the reality. It’s just plain ol’ objective honesty from here on out.
Never underestimate your partner’s desirability.
You know the saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”?
Well, there is ALWAYS a taker — if and when we are ready for love.
My father always says, “Karin, there’s a toilet seat out there for every tush,” meaning, everyone, IF THEY WANT, will move on and find another partner/lover/mate.
These people will be wanted and needed again — even embraced for all the traits we thought were so challenging to us in the first place.
It doesn’t mean that relationship will be better, doesn’t mean it will be obstacle free. It just means people will move on.
And they do.
I mean, let’s face it…resale shops are around and thriving for a reason. While we may have outgrown last year’s popular handbag, to someone else — well, guess what?
It’s the purchase of a lifetime.
You see, while we are so busy trying to get rid of the prickly weeds in our own gardens, those very weeds are more than likely to thrive, grow and blossom in someone else’s backyard.
I see it all the time, over and over, ad nauseum. Wives who hate their husbands, husbands who despise their wives, partners who bash one another and claim NO ONE will ever want their ex.
How about making a concerted effort to just appreciate what we have, and work on what we have WHILE WE HAVE IT rather than throwing it away for someone else to have.
It’s one thing to have tried anything and everything and the circumstances are desperate.
I get that, I really do.
But sometimes, just sometimes, the partner that you threw away comes back with something that makes them even happier just when they thought life was so washed up.
Like that dying unwatered plant, sitting lifeless on the window mantel — add a little water, sunshine, and you can bring that plant right back to life.
Everyone needs love and attention. We all flourish when we are shone upon.
So when all you see in your partner is someone that you don’t want, just remember that there may be someone else out there who will see them as the perfect thing.
Let’s be honest with one another — who would you rather be with? Someone who looks at you as if you were the greatest thing since sliced bread or someone who sees you as the discounted bread in the day-old stale section?
Words to the wise…
Be careful how you treat that picture hidden in your basement…
It very well could be a Picasso!
Until Next Week,