Do you love with your head or your heart?

Do you love with your head or your heart?

I constantly hear women (and some men) tell me how miserable they are that they are not ‘coupled’ and looking for the right one.

Meantime, while they are trying to consciously COUPLE, 52% of the country is trying to consciously UNCOUPLE.

Talk about the grass being greener…

I’ve heard it all: “There’s no one out there; no one available; no one worth dating; blah, blah, blah, blah.” And I always respond in the same way:

“There are so many people in unhappy marriages and relationships. These ‘coupled’ people are bored, miserable and have lost hope for finding happiness; unless they leave, that is. 

While being single can be lonely sometimes, it also allows you to be hopeful, and with hope comes a chance for great happiness.

Yes, I happen to believe that there is someone out there for everyone and it happens when it’s supposed to happen.

Call it divine intervention, karma, serendipity, or bashert (Yiddish for fated).  There are a hundred other words and phrases I could use to describe the same thing. And while we might think we have total control of our lives, I do believe that there is some higher force helping guide us to certain things when the timing is right.

Believe me, I know. I’m in love with my 9th-grade homecoming date all these years later. 

According to a recent article I read, we each have 30 soulmates. Yeah, ok…and I have a leprechaun that lives in my basement.

I think you’re lucky if you find one good one.

Every day, I learn something new about life, and for most things, I still don’t have all the answers.  In fact, I would love to get your take on this:

Should you choose a partner with your head or with your heart?

I tend to live in my heart and have always been more on the emotional side of life. Like many others, I feel so much and love to connect with people.

When you let your heart lead, the love is stronger, the passion greater and the feelings deeper. However, I have seen many relationships where couples chose each other based solely on their head and logic:

* It was the right time

*That person was a good provider

*He looked like he’d be a good dad or she’d be a great mom

*There was no one else

*It was safe

*It was better than being alone

Can a marriage or relationship last when you choose with your head rather than your heart?

The answer is YES, many times it CAN last.

It’s not the type of mad-crazy love we read about in novels or hear about in Alanis Morissette songs, but, depending on where you are in life, it might be just the perfect fit.

When we fall in love solely with our hearts, we are more emotionally connected but can sometimes miss all the red flags. Many times we throw caution to the wind and toss logic out the window.

Can you say ba-bye common sense, judgment, and reason?

But love is an emotion, and we can’t, no matter how hard we try, love someone for whom we don’t feel the emotion for or un-love, someone, for whom we do…

When we fall in love with our heads… the connection is there, but not on the same emotional level as when we fall in love with our hearts.

When we fall in love with only our hearts, our head could be screaming, “Danger, Danger Will Robinson”, and we still go toward the love, even though our intellect tells us it isn’t a smart move.

Why-oh-why do we do this?

Because the happiness that strong emotional love brings us is worth the possible pain we may be signing up for. After all, no one can truly predict what the future holds and that kind of crazy emotional love actually numbs us to the warnings ahead.

For many people, loving with a full heart and being loved with a full heart is what makes life worthwhile.

So what happens to love when two people start off so happy and end up so unhappy? Was that because they chose to love with only their hearts and their heads had no involvement or is there an expiration date on love, like milk that’s gone sour?

My answer is that long-term love requires work and I mean hard work. It’s that intellectual component we chatted about…the brain and logic reminding the heart of why we wanted that person in the first place.

The head saying, “He makes you laugh and he smells good, and he’s a great dad and he’s kind.”  The intellect whispering, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s just a different lawn full of its own weeds.”

It is important to use both your head and your heart when making decisions regarding love.

If we didn’t use our head when choosing love, most women could fall in love with the first guy (beach bum or not) that knew how to make them see stars. But logically, we know that perhaps that guy may not be the best dad or stellar provider for our future children.

We need to listen to that inner voice that is hopeful, not the one that says there aren’t any good ones left.

Believe in love, listen to your heart, be a silly romantic and eventually, you will find the love that you seek…

And when you do, that’s when you can allow the intellectual voice in your head to remind you how lucky you are, even when the toilet seat is up and you fall into it in the middle of the night.

Until Next time,



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