How can your heart stay open to kindness in a world so full of hate?

How can your heart stay open to kindness in a world so full of hate?

In a world full of so much hate, I find myself almost questioning how to remain unjaded; how to keep positive and turn my head to the negative that surrounds all of us daily.

It‘s not just globally, which of course you already know – unless you have your head buried under the covers with the lights out. It’s permeated its ugly tentacles into every facet of life.

The reality of the world we live in is terrifying.

It’s not just a matter of turning off the TV or not reading the paper for a few days or even boycotting the internet.  It’s local, it’s within families, friendships, and relationships everywhere.

Like a trickle down effect that keeps dripping and dripping and dripping like a leaky faucet.

I swear to G-d, I feel like the world has gone mad.

We live in a world that is so fractured. A world where voyeurism, judgment, and anger fill every corner. A world that is not nice – not nice at all.

Not only do I have to listen to the hatred when I tune into world news, but lately, I’m hearing such ugly stories, daily, regarding friends and their disloyalty to one another.

I’m talking about friendships that have people turning on each other faster than a sandwich doused with mayonnaise in a hot car.

Is it a differing of political views? Jealousy? Judgment? What on earth is causing such deep seeded meanness?

It’s just really sad.

But here’s the sadder part… we all find out who our enemies are if given enough time.

Myself included.

Another interesting thing I’ve come to learn in my life. Most of us, if we are supremely lucky, can count on one hand the number of true and genuine friends we have.

Not the friends we dine out with, or grab a drink with, or even share idle chit chat with.

I’m talking about the ones that would step in front of a bus for you. The ones who hear your deepest secrets and share them with NO ONE. The ones that cheer you on when you succeed and lift you off the ground when you have fallen and are bruised and bleeding.

The ones that protect and love you unconditionally to your face – and behind it.

Another thing I’ve also come to learn is that there is a secret hierarchy friend list that we all have in the back of our heads.

Example #1:

Suzie tells Debbie secrets about Sally. But as close as Debbie is with Suzie, Debbie is actually closer with Tina and tells Tina everything Suzie said about Sally. Tina’s allegiance, unbeknownst to anyone, happens to be to Sally and calls her and tells her everything Suzie said.

Are you following?

It’s the adult version of “Operator,” like when were kids growing up. Petty and sad and so awful – but, nonetheless, common amongst women.

It’s almost as if each of us has one other person we are just a tiny bit more loyal to or that nobody knows we are actually that good of friends with.

Very few people are 100% loyal to just one person. And while we may be loyal to a friend, sometimes our allegiance is geared towards someone else, and that’s how information gets leaked. (There’s the leaky faucet, again)

Now the question is, how does one actually deal with the knowledge once they receive it? I mean, really, how do we turn a blind eye to the pettiness and disloyalty of others while still being true to our own selves?

And, worse off, what happens once you find out this information but don’t want to tell the person you know?

Does that make you weak because you won’t confront?

Does that make you dishonest because you may still spend time with them, knowing full well how they really feel about you?

Here is my feeling on the topic:

There is enough hate in this world already, and what someone else’s opinion of you is, is really none of your business. And while hurtful and mean and spiteful it may be, it simply doesn’t matter.

What other people think of you is their problem, not yours.

I would be a flat-out liar if I said I’ve never shared gossip or have been catty in my lifetime. I am human and it happens and I’m as guilty as the next. But I challenge myself daily to be a better person.

Each day is a new beginning to be a little bit better than the day before. Because right now, with the way the world is today, I find that there’s almost this negative synergy that takes place the more we contribute to unconstructive behavior.

Almost like a boomerang effect…the meaner we are and more hateful we become, the more it comes back to us.

In the very end…what Suzie says about Sally speaks volumes more about Suzie than it really does about Sally.


Until Next Time,



Karin has a BA in Sociology, with a minor in Psychology from Michigan State University. Her journey has allowed opportunities to study, experience and complete Kabbalah twice, and earn a certification in coaching with a focus on love and relationships. Writing has always been a passion of Karin’s. She is a twice published children’s book author, former corporate speech writer, past columnist for The Detroit Jewish News, and current blogger for  Ask Dr. Nandi as well as, The Relationship Realist. 


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