Hey RR, I’m in need of a “Reality Check”…
I have a friend I’ve been close with for many years. I like her very much, but I recently found out that she speaks terribly about me behind my back. Funny thing is, it keeps getting back to me and I honestly don’t believe she knows I am aware of what she is doing. I really don’t want to confront her because I believe that will cause more damage. What do I do now?
Kaleigh, Austin, Texas
Firstly, it sounds like it’s time to redefine your definition of “friendship”.
If you don’t want to confront this person—don’t. And you really never have to, unless the information they are spreading becomes damaging to you.
What you do need to do is make a change in how you confide in this person.
The way I look at it is— knowledge is power. Now that you have full disclosure about what this person is doing, stop sharing with them. If you really want to maintain somewhat of a friendship, that is up to you.
Just stop giving her any material.
Keep in mind that people love to talk about themselves, so next time you’re together direct questions back to your friend. If she asks you about you—let her know things are good and nothing really new or exciting is happening. Be polite, yet vague- confident that you aren’t arming her with material for her next gossip session where you’re the featured subject.
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Karin has a BA in Sociology, with a minor in Psychology from Michigan State University. Her journey has allowed opportunities to study, experience and complete Kabbalah twice, and earn a certification in coaching with a focus on love and relationships. Writing has always been a passion of Karin’s. She is a twice published children’s book author, former corporate speech writer, past columnist for The Detroit Jewish News, and current blogger for Ask Dr. Nandi and The Relationship Realist.