You Ask, The Relationship Realist Answers- 4/7/2017

You Ask, The Relationship Realist Answers- 4/7/2017

Hey RR, I’m in need of a “Reality Check”…

I’m married and I have a very close friendship with another man.  Is it infidelity if we haven’t had sex?

Confused Wife, Miami

The fact that you have to ask the question leads me to believe this must not be “just” a friendship.  And what I am inferring is you are having an emotional affair.  I get it, there isn’t any hanky-panky going on, but you are spending “quality time” hanging out, talking, emailing and/or even texting things that are very personal with this other man.  Over time this man has become your emotional go-to person, instead of your husband.

If I am right, then in a time of need or even a time of celebration, this very close man is who you think you want to share with or are already contacting first.  Am I understanding this correctly?  If so, then by the definition of infidelity (the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner), I would say yes. 

YES, your emotional affair is a form of infidelity to your husband.  Ask yourself, what is this man giving you that your husband is not?

If your marriage is important to you, it would be in your best interest to 1) redefine your friendship, and 2) address how to make your husband your go-to once again. 


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