You Ask, The Relationship Realist Answers- 4/21/2017

You Ask, The Relationship Realist Answers- 4/21/2017

Hey RR, I’m in need of a “Reality Check”…

I found out that a close friend of mine has been lying to me over the last few years.  At first, I thought it was just over a few things. However, recently a couple friends/acquaintances of hers told me about many more “secrets” that she has been lying about.  This new information touches much closer to home, to the point that I feel violated.  Is that normal? Now that I know my friend is lying, how do I handle this moving forward?


Donna, Cincinnati

Being lied to feels….well, shitty!  It’s funny how trust is something we give to friends so freely–  that is until they break it.  From that point on we never view that person the same ever again.  Lying is something that you never fully come back from because once someone is dishonest, there is doubt every time they say something.  It leaves a definite impact on a friendship– for some, it’s a deal breaker.

Your trust was violated, so feeling violated is absolutely normal.   And in any situation where someone feels violated, you need to find a healthy way to move forward. 

You basically have 3 options:

  1. Continue your friendship as is– keep in mind this won’t be easy and most likely unenjoyable.
  2. Let the person know you are aware of the truth and try and get to the root of the dishonesty.  This may bring closure.  At that point, you can reconsider whether the friendship has anything left to it. 
  3. End the friendship. 

Adult friendships are conditional.  We get to choose who we surround ourselves with and where to put our time/energy.  Your friend made their choice, now it’s time to make yours.


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