Hey RR, I’m in need of a “Reality Check”…
There’s this guy in my life that I have become close to over the years. After a couple months of just “being friends,” we began “dating”. The relationship hasn’t been exclusive and we have only been meeting up at each other’s homes, so we both were aware that the other might be “dating” other people too. Honestly, I don’t want to be dating anyone else. I am interested in being with only him. Recently, I found out from a mutual friend, that he has a girlfriend. He hasn’t admitted to having a girlfriend to me, and he has continued to ask me for late night plans. Do I continue to date him or cut him loose?
Sandy, New York, NY
Oh Sandy, Sandy, Sandy… it sounds like you really like this guy and are hoping for more than just the crumbs from this biscuit. If I’m hearing you correctly, you’ve become close—you “hangout”, have fun, and share some laughs. But the reality is that your meeting up in secret and late at night, exchanging pleasantries with no commitment or exclusivity. In my world, we call that a “booty call”. And not the kind that are on sale at Neiman’s after winter has passed. As much fun as you may be having or whatever story you’re creating in your mind of the possibilities of being together, if it was going to happen it would have happened already.
Ask yourself what benefit do you get from making this guy feel really good about himself, but then not have a public or permanent place in his life. Now that he has a girlfriend, it’s almost as if you are the dirty little secret that he carries around for his own selfish use. I honestly believe that you deserve so much more. I would definitely move on and put your energy into finding a relationship that meets your wants and needs; besides those of a 2 am last call.
No man has the right to “a pair” and “a spare”.
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