Are you looking for a replacement relationship?
I mean, what is that and how would you really know?
Nah, I think we all kind of know.
A replacement relationship is a relationship that is not intended for the long haul and is merely out of convenience or timing.
Things to ask yourself …
- Do you find yourself searching madly for a new relationship the minute your last one ends?
- Are you that person who can’t be alone for five minutes after a breakup or divorce?
- Does your heart race at the thought of walking into a party, a restaurant or any venue alone?
- Do you start to text all “the options” you had prior to your last relationship and see what they are up to now?
Or better yet …
Are you the replacement for somebody else?
Ugh … that’s even worse and we’ve all been there.
Unfortunately, some people are only looking for the next transient relationship as opposed to a lifetime partner.
Think of gym shoes.
You know, replace them every few months or years. After they’re worn out and broken-in for a brand-new pair void of any scuff marks.
In reality, most people really thrive when they are feeling and receiving love and giving it back.
I get it.
They say love is often the muse for most artists’ best work — but then again, so is pain and suffering.
Don’t we know it?
Can you say Alanis Morissette on her Jagged Little Pill album? Seriously, after listening to that track, even I wanted to cry
The reality is when you have loved and lost, you most likely want to fill the empty void as soon as you can.
Because it hurts.
Like really badly …
And we want the hurt to go away —
And to make that hurt stop, sometimes we fill that void a little too quickly. Kind of like eating useless carbs — the “replacement relationship” wastes too many calories and burns off too fast, and when it does, you’re once again left bloated and hungry and desperately looking for your next meal.
Think Sunday night Chinese food.
Sometimes people are in such a rush to fill the relationship hole left by their last relationship that they settle for a temporary layover rather than a preferred destination. And you know what they say about settling.
It’s a big No-No.
I find that many times suitable partners DO come along after a breakup, but the timing is off. One person may be looking for a lifetime partner while the other is merely looking for a placeholder.
Recently, a good friend brought up a very interesting perspective on the issue. She asked me, “When you’re single and it doesn’t work out, isn’t every next relationship replacing the last?”
My answer: You can want a new and healthy relationship without wanting it as a replacement for the last one. When we date, we are merely SAMpling a variety of potential partners until we find the right one.
Many times people do find another relationship, and they find it fast. This is where two people are looking for a new relationship with partners DIFFERENT from the last ones — not similar and not as a replacement but as a better fit.
So when moving on to your next relationship, take a breath. Clarify your wants and needs first and put yourself in a position to be relationship-ready, not relationship-replacing.
And always remember as my father would say: If you treat your next relationship like a job vacancy, you may be holding up a help wanted sign sooner than you think.
Until Next time,