Experts say emotional wounds start in early childhood for some and continue throughout life for many.
While some heal from their childhood traumas, others don’t and many don’t even realize they have issues until well into middle age, after multiple failed relationships.
When a child is exposed to great fear or stress early on, this can predispose them to a future need for recreational drugs, sex addiction or produce an aggressive or self-destructive adult that sabotages every romantic relationship they get into.
Hmmm….. Thus coining the term that we all just love to hear, “Emotionally unavailable”.
Loving someone deeply requires taking the time to truly know him or her. It takes honesty, it requires risk and it takes a tremendous amount of trust.
Interestingly enough, while we all really crave a loving and honest relationship, by the time we are middle-aged, faith in finding the fairytale seems to dwindle for so many.
The other day I was talking to a male friend who has gone through a series of unsuccessful relationships and he actually used the word “DONE” when he was describing how he felt just before ending his last relationship.
I asked him how he contributed to the demise. At first, he scoffed and implied he had no part—(which we all know is never the case, duh) but after a few minutes of chatting, he realized he had a lot more to do with the failure than originally recognized.
As they say, “It takes two to tango”….
As a coach who specializes in relationships, I frequently witness how emotionally void many people are.
Everyone claims they want someone to love, yet so many mindlessly walk away from love or do very little to make it thrive or last.
Which brings me up to the next question…
“What has happened to “real” love and “real” commitment and happily ever after”?
I watch so many people take their spouses/partners for granted and under-value a relationship that should be meaningful because all they focus in on is what they are not receiving as opposed to what they are.
Sadly, many people don’t know that with every breakup they lose a part of their heart, but they don’t really slow down enough to actually feel or grieve the loss.
In my opinion, the more breakups, the more scars, the harder it is to open up next time for a future partner and the cycle continues.
Think about how many relationships post divorced women and men go through until they find the right partner. Each time losing a small piece of their hearts.
How ironic is it, that our culture is always drawn to watch great love stories, but we are often too cowardly to write ourselves into the script.
Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength. But loving someone deeply requires courage.
Unfortunately, a lack of courage or a fear of being hurt seems to be the general theme around these days.
My feeling is if you are lucky enough to find love and a partner that is right for you in this crazy world—hold on to it, love fully, and never ever let them go.
And remember, If you’re over 30 you don’t get to blame your mommy and daddy issues anymore.
My advice…stop whining, go to work and drink like the rest of us.
Until next time,
Karin has a BA in Sociology, with a minor in Psychology from Michigan State University. Her journey has allowed opportunities to study, experience and complete Kabbalah twice, and earn a certification in coaching with a focus on love and relationships. Writing has always been a passion of Karin’s. She is a twice-published children’s book author, former corporate speechwriter, past columnist for The Detroit Jewish News, and current blogger for, Ask Dr. Nandi, The Relationship Realist and now, ForeverHer