It could just be me (which is highly unlikely), but every time I watch “The Bachelor” on ABC, my skin actually begins to crawl…literally. I have this overwhelming feeling of being eaten alive by tiny, little ants gnawing along, accompanied with a mild case of nausea.
Why, you might ask?
I’d be happy to tell you.
The short answer is, because these women are ’emotionally loose’, and watching them actually brings on the same reaction I feel when I’m coming down with the flu. They are all guilty of what I’d like to call “emotional promiscuity.” God Almighty, these women give up their whole life stories, faster than I flip through my Instagram during commercial breaks.
So let’s delve into this for a minute. This isn’t just a problem on “The Bachelor.” This is a problem that many women, and sometimes men, face when dating. I just don’t get it. Don’t people realize that a first date, coffee date, drink date or any other date before the first month is over sorta needs to be light and fluffy??? I mean, honestly, who wants to hear about your uncle in jail, your horrible ex, the colonoscopy you just endured or the fact that your kids have sociopathic tendencies. Certainly not me. Perhaps, just sharing nice moments around travel and passions could suffice until your relationship is on stable ground — or that you’re even going to have a relationship, for that matter.
Back to “The Bachelor.”
So I’m watching this girl struggle with telling Prince Farming that she’s a virgin, and all the while I’m thinking to myself, “Why is she telling him this?” I find myself actually screaming at the TV for her to stop, as my kids look on with horror. “Mom,” they say, “You do understand she can’t hear you, right?” “Of course she can’t hear me,” I reply, but I just can’t help it. The truth is, it’s like watching a car accident about to happen and knowing what the outcome is. I was not disapproving that this girl was a virgin–I just feel that kind of intimate information doesn’t need to be shared so soon.
What is this overwhelming need for people to have to lay it all out on the line so prematurely? Why? I just don’t get it. I believe in honesty, I believe in spirituality obviously – but I DO NOT believe in pouring out my heart out and purging my soul upon getting to know someone in the very beginning. If we all spoke our 100% truths in the beginning of any relationship, believe me, we’d all be dumped before the main course ever showed up. That’s not an opinion — it’s just a fact.
We should use discretion on what we reveal and how soon we pull back all the layers of our inner selves. I can’t convey enough times how important this is.
My theory applies even to brand new friendships. Big reveals are often overrated. I think trust always needs to be built with every relationship before you start going ahead and announcing your whole life story. And when you do expose all your truths right off the bat and too soon…ya always get burned! Always!
Think about how many friends you became close with that became bff’s (best friends forever) literally overnight. “Oh my gosh,” you’d exclaim to your boyfriend or sister or mother or husband. “I found my new best friend/soul sister in the whole wide world.” Ummm, nope, you didn’t. Hate to shock you, but nothing happens overnight. And then when that new best friend winds up back stabbing you more times than Michael Myers in the “Halloween” series, you’re like completely and utterly shocked and walking around in a haze like you didn’t see that coming.
People forget that there needs to be a shred of mystery and some holes unfilled in the Swiss cheese during the dating/courting period of any new friendship or relationship. I’m certainly not suggesting hiding your past or keeping secrets, but emotional intimacy is earned, and it’s earned after time, consistency and continuum of the relationship.
I like to think of emotional intimacy as being just as respected as physical intimacy. Just like a woman should not jump into bed with every Tom, Dick and Harry. (You know what I meant, but those names used to work years ago when stating a point; now, not so much.) And we shouldn’t purge our entire life history upon just getting to know someone, either.
Let me ask you something: Would you even walk into a house that announced every leaky faucet, running toilet or creaky floor on the listing? No, you probably wouldn’t. Ask any Realtor, and they’ll tell you that house listings have all the pros of the house outlined. They like to emphasize the hardwood floors and the Viking appliances, not the roof that needs replacing or the wet crawl space growing mold.
But once we fall in love with the house, all bets are off. We slowly learn the flaws of the house as time passes, and by the time they are really revealed—we love the house too much to care. We’re even willing to FIX the house!!!
In the end, if you just want to be heard…honestly, call a close friend, your mother or some 800 number, but don’t spill your “E! True Hollywood Story” so fast.
If you find you start to emotionally bleed on a date and you can’t stop the idle verbiage that’s flowing out of your mouth like a chocolate fountain, stick a burger in it and call it a night.
Until Next time,
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