“Do we take a little piece of baggage from our last relationship and bring it with us into the next one?
I’d like to think we don’t but the truth is that we all kind of do.
Yep, that means you, and you, and you and you.
All of us do.
And ultimately we wind up punishing our current partners for the sins of the last ones. (Believe me, no holy water can fix this problem)
How could we not? I mean we’re all human, right?
(Most of us, anyway)
It reminds me of that funny episode on Seinfeld, years ago, when the valet took Jerry’s car and left the worst smell that lingered and never went away. While this topic is different and certainly not a vile smell, it does go to show that some things are so strong and pungent that they just leave an everlasting imprint.
That’s sort of the way that a bad relationship sticks to our psyches.
But instead of leaving a lasting stench left, let’s call it more of a pungent memory.
And to be brutally honest, that crap does not wash off. We carry it from one relationship to the next and it really leads to a lot of future problems.
I’m talking about problems such as; emotional unavailability, sabotage syndrome, wounded heart affliction, trust difficulty, stuck in the past disorder and last but not least, inability to move forward plague. (UGH)
“Bet we all know somebody permanently stuck in the snow, don’t we?” (Metaphor people)
Ok, just so you know, obviously I’ve kind of coined these terms and made them up so don’t be looking at Wikipedia or Web MD for them because they are so not there. 🙂
I had a girlfriend tell me that every guy she dates winds up breaking her heart. She’s not looking for sympathy or pity, just a bit of empathy, which I’m happy to give- of course. And while I know every guy she dates isn’t the same, she is correct in stating that every guy winds up hurting her.
So the real question is why?
We could sum it up to the quote all people love to use, “There are no good ones out there”, but I really don’t agree with that. I think there are great ones out there and I have always stuck to the same premise that there’s a toilet seat for every ass.
(It’s only when 2 asses try to sit on the same toilet seat that we’ve got a little problem)
While some experts say “my friend” is attracting her own water level, yada, yada, yada, I think it’s more about her perceiving each guy the same as the one before, and treating each one as such, thus getting the same results.
So this got me thinking.
After consulting with a few of my own team of advisors, (psychics and mediums were not included just so you know) I came up with my own conjecture.
Not every black piece of luggage is the same.
In fact, even if it looks like a Tumi, and rolls like a Tumi… it really might not be a Tumi.
And when we treat it like a Tumi and it’s really a Samsonite and we pack the same crap in it as before, we often inadvertently are re-creating the exact same result in our current relationship as the one before.
And that my friend is where the ugly problem starts.
So how do we move past old drama and old issues?
The answer is: MOVE ON.
Here are 8 great tips that help you do so.
- Learn from the past
- Let go of repeating thoughts
- Remember not everything is meant to last
- Work on your own self-esteem
- Practice acceptance
- Head to therapy (that’s a biggie FYI)
- Remember everyone is different
- Maintain a positive outlook
And when all else fails… just find yourself someone who loves you enough to help you unpack, dirty socks and all.
Until Next time,