I have actively been in the dating scene for some time now and I while I know there’s a whole new feminist generation out there, I really still believe old-fashioned values go a long way.
I’ve gotten the chance to talk with so many women and men regarding dating, I almost feel like a social scientist —
As a relationship expert with new clients daily, I have learned, both from personal experience and from outside sources, some of the things that you should and shouldn’t do on the first few dates.
Courting (as my parents would call it) or dating, in the very beginning, requires expert skill and delicacy.
I believe it all starts out with the first three dates, and I’ve composed my very own list of what you should and should not do.
I’d like to think of these as helpful suggestions (as opposed to a holy bible) to raise the odds of turning your date into the relationship you desire.
*Talk positively about your ex whether it’s your ex-partner, ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-in-laws, ex-dog, etc., period. Hearing “War of the Roses” stories can be very unnerving and can sour the mood of any first date. I believe that if anyone publicly shames a former love, in order to look like the victim, you can guarantee they’ll be doing it about you, too, if things go south.
*Reveal your strengths, not your weaknesses. People want to see the good in potential partners, so make sure you do yourself justice. It’s okay to focus on your positives. You’re not considered a narcissist if you nicely share the good things about yourself. Revealing your weaknesses right off the bat is like reading all the side effects of a medication before you even swallow the pill.
Which, by the way, I have done on many occasions and, believe me, it’s not a good thing!!
I’m not suggesting that you try to sell yourself, but what I am saying is that it’s not a bad thing to show confidence and respect for yourself and tactfully come across, as guys would say, a “first-round draft choice.”
*DO NOT have sex on the first date. I repeat (Can you hear the echo?) DO NOT HAVE SEX!!!! I don’t care how strong the attraction is. I don’t care how much liquor has been consumed. Keep your panties on and your dignity intact. Sex on the first date is like eating the main course of a meal before you even check your coat.
Just don’t. I know there are a million stories out there of how it didn’t alter this one’s relationship or that one’s courtship, etc., etc., etc.
Those are the minorities — I ASSURE YOU. Guys like to chase and women like to be pursued. When you give away your Halloween candy before the holiday has even begun, chances are he’ll be saying “trick or treat” on someone else’s porch faster than a witch can fly off on her broom.
*Don’t wear anything too short, too tight, or too low. Women make this huge mistake thinking the more they reveal, the sexier they are. It simply isn’t true when you’re looking for a potential life partner. If you’re looking for just a “hook up” — well, that’s another story.
First dates are for first impressions. If your guy wants to see only breasts and thighs, send him off to the local butcher — because that’s all he’s after. Believe me, I am all about highlighting strong traits. Just tone it down a little.
*Watch your alcohol consumption. The more we drink, the less inhibited we become and the greater the chance we have of doing or saying something just stupid that will cause regret in the morning. Order a drink or glass of wine and nurse it for a while.
A sloppy drunk is NEVER attractive.
Last — and most importantly…
*LET HIM CHASE YOU. Do not pursue him, do not run after him, do not text or call him after the date. Allow him to pursue you. I can’t tell you how women feel the need to take the reigns into their own hands for fear the guy just won’t do it. If he doesn’t do it, then it’s because he doesn’t want to do it.
As my father used to say, “If a man wants you, he will come and get you”.
Until Next Time,
Karin Katz is a relationship expert, coach, author, and blogger. She graduated Michigan State University with honors while receiving a BA in Sociology along with a minor in Psychology. She earned a certification in relationship coaching and has written for: The Detroit Jewish News, Eydies Magazine, Ask Dr. Nandi and is the founder of the nationally popular relationship blog, “The Relationship Realist”. She’s a twice-published popular children’s book author and former corporate speechwriter. She has appeared on countless radio shows and TV programs giving out relationship advice, as well as coached clients from all over the US. She takes new clients daily for relationship coaching and can be reached @firstname.lastname@example.org