Men come to me for help with their sexual problems; anything from lack of desire to orgasm disorders to low self esteem. Throughout these talks, many of the men share what they don’t like about their female partners and ask for my advice on how to make their partners happy. Here are a few of the most common complaints men share about women in the bedroom and how you can help make your next sexual experience better for both of you!
Faking Orgasms. Ladies, Ladies….I KNOW you think you are thinking you are helping your man by faking-makes him feel good to make me feel good, I don’t want to hurt his feelings/ego, Maybe you are tired and want the sex to end. For the sake of your relationship and sex life, STOP faking orgasms! Faking reinforces his beliefs that he is doing something you like, when maybe there are things you could work on. Unless you are one of those extremely rare women who can have an orgasm every time though penetration, its ok to say its not going to happen this time; it is a form of lying and can actually hurt him more.
Sex on Command. Believe it or not, men aren’t always ready to have sex. They sometimes need just as much time as we do to get ready physically and mentally for the fun so be patient. Especially if your guy has been struggling sexually or if you are in a drought, give him the space he may need; foreplay is good for both partners!
Not Initiating. Of course we all want to be pursued, and that includes your guy. Guys like to feel wanted by their women, so try to be the one to make your next rendezvous happen! Sending him a sexy text, note, or wearing something he hasn’t seen in a while to bed can show him you mean business!
Not telling him what to do. Most of us have no problem asking or telling our men what to do out of the bedroom so why turn that off when you’re between the sheets? By gently telling him what you like without criticism can enhance the experience for both of you. Suggestions of what you like, directions, or even showing him what you want can be a turn on for both of you.
Being self conscious. Every one of us has that part of their bodies that we don’t love and have created great fantasies about how awful we look like in certain positions, lighting, etc. A majority of men do not give a damn if your hair is messy, your makeup is smudged or you have a little cellulite in places when you are having sex, especially if you are in a new position or experimenting outside of the bedroom. Try to leave those worries at the door and have fun. A sexy nightie and candlelight can also help hide some of your flaws, so have fun.
Keeping your fantasies to yourself. Even the media knows you and your girlfriends got hot and bothered watching Magic Mike, so its okay to share what turns you on with your man. Share with him that role-play you have been thinking about, a toy you want to try, experiment with being dominant or submissive; by letting him in on what you are thinking opens the door to new dialog about your sex life and can really spice things up!
Dr. Karen is a licensed Clinical Psychologist in Beverly Hills, CA. She specializes in sexual dysfunction and couples, has worked with countless individuals and couples to help them regain their sexual relationship or help them through a hard time. She has offered her expertise to several News organizations such as FOX News, CNN, Good Morning America, The Doctors and has appeared on many reality shows and radio programs. Currently Dr. Karen is in production for a new TV series and is a regular guest on Playboy Radio.