I have been studying the dating scene for some time now.
But I must say, while I know we are in a new generation, I still believe old-fashioned values work in the dating scene.
I’ve gotten the chance to talk with so many women regarding dating, I almost feel like a social scientist — not to be confused with a “mad scientist.”
But let’s continue…
Anyway, I must admit, I’ve learned a great deal in my quest for knowledge regarding the do’s and dont’s of the first, second and third dates.
While I am certainly no expert, I have learned, both from personal experience and from outside sources, some of the things that you should and shouldn’t do while you’re dating.
Courting (as my parents would call it) or dating, in the very beginning, requires expert skill and delicacy.
Those first few dates are extremely fragile and are really the deciding factors on whether or not another date will occur.
I believe it all starts out with the first three dates, and I’ve composed my very own list of what NOT to do. I’d like to think of it more as a helpful tutorial (as opposed to a holy bible) to raise your odds of turning your date into the relationship you desire – that is, if you want it to.
- Talk positively about your ex whether it’s your ex-partner, ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-in-laws, ex-dog, etc., period.
Hearing “War of the Roses” stories right off the bat is very unnerving and can sour the mood of any first date.
While listening to a date reveal the sordid tales of their ex, I always imagined that one day, that could be me they were talking about.
Stay away from those topics until you get to know the person a little better, and as time goes on and trust and honesty have developed, then you can slowly reveal the layers of who you are.
- Reveal your strengths, not your weaknesses. People want to see the good in potential partners, so make sure you do yourself justice. It’s okay to focus on your positives. You’re not considered a narcissist* if you nicely share the good things about yourself. Revealing your weaknesses right off the bat is like reading all the side effects of a medication before you even swallow the pill.
Which, by the way, I have done on many occasions and, believe me, it’s not a good thing!!
I’m not suggesting that you try to sell yourself, but what I am saying is that it’s not a bad thing to show confidence in and respect for yourself and tactfully come across as, as guys would say, a “first-round draft choice.”
*Oh. By the way and as a side note, the actual word “narcissist” may very well be the most overused and misused word in the dictionary.
Just saying.
Anyway, let’s proceed forward.
- DO NOT have sex. I repeat (Can you hear the echo?) DO NOT HAVE SEX!!!! I don’t care how strong the attraction is. I don’t care how much liquor has been consumed. Keep your panties on and your dignity intact. Sex on the first date is like eating the main course of a meal before you even check your coat.
Just don’t.
I know there are a million stories out there of how it didn’t alter this one’s relationship or that one’s courtship, etc., etc., etc.
Those are the minorities — I ASSURE YOU.
Guys like to chase and women like to be pursued. When you give away your Halloween candy before the holiday has even begun, chances are he’ll be saying “trick or treat” on someone else’s porch faster than a witch can fly off on her broom.
- Don’t wear anything too short, too tight, or too low. Women make this huge mistake thinking the more they reveal, the sexier they are.
It simply isn’t true when you’re looking for a potential life partner.
If you’re looking for just a “hook up” — well, that’s another story.
First dates are for first impressions. If your guy wants to see only breasts and thighs, send him off to the local butcher — because that’s all he’s after.
Believe me, I am all about highlighting your strong traits. Just tone it down a little and let him get to know you.
- Watch your alcohol consumption. The more we drink, the less inhibited we become and the greater the chance we have of doing or saying something just stupid that will cause regret in the morning. Order a drink or glass of wine and nurse it for a while.
A sloppy drunk is NEVER attractive.
Last — and most importantly….
- LET HIM CHASE YOU. Do not pursue him, do not run after him, do not text or call him after the date. Allow him to pursue you. I can’t tell you how women feel the need to take the reigns into their own hands for fear the guy just won’t do it.
If he doesn’t do it, then it’s because he doesn’t want to do it.
If he wants to see you — I promise, he will find a way to get to you.
I’ll leave you with a favorite quote:
Until Next Time,
Love,
Karin
