Do you have a special “friend” of the opposite sex that you share all your secrets with? A special someone (who is NOT your significant other) that you talk or text with almost every single day and share all kinds of juicy tidbits about your personal life?
Is there a very special person with whom you confide in about all kinds of personal issues?
If this answer is yes — YOU could be having an “emotional affair”
Are you having an emotional affair? Do you even know what one is?
Honestly, you might not even have a clue that you’re knee deep into a full-blown one.
So what are the signs? There are many.
Sit back and get some TUMS because your stomach might begin to churn after reading this. I’m not here to judge – hardly. I’m just here to merely state the facts so that you can see on your own if that very special friendship has become a little too “exceptional” at best.
There are 10 warning signs of an emotional affair:
*You are withdrawing from your significant other.
*You are preoccupied and daydream about your “friend” more and more.
*You are not interested in being intimate with your significant other, either emotionally or sexually.
*The amount of time you and your significant other spend together is less.
*When confronted about the possible emotional affair, you respond angrily, “We’re just friends.”
*You find yourself anticipating when you can communicate or be with your friend again (texting, e-mailing, talking, et cetera).
*You are sharing your thoughts, feelings and problems with your friend instead of your significant other.
*You find reasons to give your friend personal gifts.
*Your friend seems to understand you better than your significant other does.
*You are keeping your friendship a secret from your significant other.
If you find yourself repeating over and over ad nauseam about how much this special friend ‘just gets you,’ you are probably already having an emotional affair. This doesn’t mean it’s gone to physical land yet – and I do mean yet with a capital Y-E-T — because chances are very high that once there is an emotional connection, usually a physical one is soon to follow. It’s sorta the ‘law of nature.’ If you deny it, then you have bigger blinders on than a racehorse at the Derby.
Not every emotional affair leads to a physical one; however, many do.
An emotional affair is when a person not only invests more of their emotional energy outside their existing relationship, but also receives emotional support and companionship from the new relationship. In an emotional affair, a person feels closer to the other party and may experience increasing sexual tension building. Cheaters are often guilt-free in an emotional affair because there is no sex involved, BUT IT’S STILL INTIMACY OUTSIDE OF YOUR EXISTING RELATIONSHIP.
“If you put perfume on a pig—it’s still a pig.”
Usually these special friendships begin as platonic. From platonic, they can lead rather quickly into an emotional affair. After all, you’re sharing personal information, which makes you feel closer to the person you’re confiding in. An emotional affair can escalate into a physical affair fast, very fast, because sharing intimate information and forming trust can bring on feelings of attraction.
And then, kaboom, the unthinkable has happened. The friendship is no longer just a plain ol’ friendship. You’ve now gone from BFFs (best friends forever) to FWBs (friends with benefits).
So what’s the big difference between having a friendship and having an emotional affair?
In my own opinion – and, believe me, that doesn’t make it fact — I think when you start to discuss with a close friend of the opposite sex the problems you’re having with your current relationship, that’s ground zero for an emotional affair to begin. If you’re confiding in a close friend of the opposite sex that you’ve had your whole life, that’s different.
If you’re unhappy, go talk to your partner or find some help. The worst possible thing you can do is compound your issues by triangulating your current situation with a third party. (But that’s a different post for another time)
A word of advice: Be careful with your choices in friendships and always remember this…
You can go from a shoulder to cry on to a body part to ride on in no time!!!
Until next time,
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“The Buddha Team”